Lake Wars
by Katie Ladmoore
Summary: When Warriors meets Star Wars, havoc is wreaked. Cats fight and obsess over completely random things! And who is the mysterious cat dressed like Darth Vader attacking everybody? Will things ever go back to normal?
1. An Incredibly Weird Gathering

**Hello, there! Welcome to this story! It takes place after Long Shadows, and since I began it before Sunrise came out, it just doesn't happen in this story. Hope you enjoy the randomness!**

**I (sadly) do not own Warriors, Star Wars, or the Lazer Collection. They go to "Erin Hunter", George Lucas/Lucasfilms, and some person on YouTube (DFear).**

* * *

The silver full moon peeked out over a small island from the tops of the trees. Firestar, the leader of the last clan to arrive at the Gathering, leaped up onto the leader's branch.

"Welcome to this latest Gathering!" he began. He started to say something else about the prey on ThunderClan territory, but his words were drowned out by a cacophonous rumbling sound coming from the sky. All the cats looked up.

"What is that?" they murmured amongst themselves.

Suddenly, a massive... thing started to land right on the middle of the island! The cats underneath scattered quickly. The door fell open, and R2D2 rolled out, chirping happily. A strange-looking drawing with many arms followed it.

"Dr. Octagonapus... BLAAAAHHHHH!!!" he screamed. After his words, a blast of blue burst from his mouth, knocking Barkface, the WindClan medicine cat, into the lake, never to be seen again.

"Cool! Does this mean I'm the medicine cat of WindClan now?" Kestrelpaw exclaimed. "I'm _so _gonna call myself Kestreltalon now! That name is beast!"

His clan blinked at him.

Then, loud music blared from who-knows-where. Large, yellow words started to scrawl themselves across the stars in the sky.

"Who can read that?" Leopardstar asked.

"I can!" Jayfeather proclaimed.

The rest of the Gathering looked at him incredulously.

"Oh, wait, no I can't. Sorry."

But _I _can," Lionblaze said.

He began to read the words, actually the opening credits to _Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace_. When they were done, the stars opened up, and a blinding white light poured out. A cat's shaped floated from it. It was none other than Yellowfang. Sorreltail gasped.

"Yellowfang!" she cried, crouching close to the ground. "I am not worthy, I am not worthy!"

She noticed that the other cats were not following her example. "Don't you understand that you must bow in the awesome presence of Yellowfang?"

Brackenfur and his and Sorreltail's children, embarrassed, crept into the shadows and the bushes.

Yellowfang glanced at the obsequious Sorreltail smugly, enjoying the attention.

"Cats of all clans! You have heard-" she looked at Lionblaze, " or read - the opening crawl of the first movie of one of the greatest science-fiction series in the history of the Twoleg world!"

Tawnypelt of ShadowClan stepped forward.

"Of the Twoleg world? What do we have to do with _them_?"

"Great question, young Tawnypelt! You are now all going to split up into four groups: the Senate, normal ones, the Jedi, and the Sith. The Sith group will only consist of about four cats.

"Why?" asked Blackstar.

"Because they're supposed to be extinct. However, unbeknownst to the Jedi, they are re-forming."

"Who uses the word _unbeknownst _anymore?!"

"I do."

Sorreltail jumped on the white leader.

"You _dare _challenge the wisdom of a StarClan cat? Especially the great and all-powerful Yellowfang?"

He pushed her off.

"Get off me, you useless scrap of fur! And yeah, I do dare!"

"Enough!" Yellowfang screeched. "Now, divide into groups! Firestar, you will be the head of the Jedi Council, Master Yoda, so you will be in the Jedi group. Blackstar, you're Chancellor Palpatine."

"Ooh, is that important?!"

"Yeah. He's a bad guy. Palpatine's a nub; he's both Sith and in the Senate. Hmmm, someone to play Anakin.... Anakin, Anakin, oh! Lionblaze! Perfect! Lionblaze, you're Anakin. Anakin is a Jedi. Go with Firestar. Alright, Padmé, Padmé... ah! Heathertail! You'll do. Padmé Amidala is in the Senate, Heathertail, so go to that group."

Yellowfang picked Ratscar, Rowanclaw, and Toadfoot (all in ShadowClan) to be the rest of the Sith. Then she chose Brambleclaw, Dustpelt, Cloudtail, and Thornclaw to be the rest of the Jedi Council. Brambleclaw was to be Mace Windu, second-in-command to Yoda, like he was as Firestar's deputy.

"Berrynose, you're Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi."

The arrogant cream-colored cat proudly went to stand with the Council cats and Lionblaze. They all groaned silently. Yellowfang next chose the rest of ThunderClan and half of ShadowClan to be the Jedi. All of RiverClan, Nightcloud, Crowfeather, and Breezepaw, were assigned to be the Senate.

"Rest of WindClan and the other half of ShadowClan, you're normal ones. Go live your happy, blatant, pedestrian lives."

WindClan cheered.

"Yay normal lives! Huzzah!"

"All Jedi ThunderClan and ShadowClan apprentices, you are Padawan Learners. Your regular mentors will be your Jedi mentors also."

The old gray she-cat flicked her tail. It made a popping sound. "From now on, your destinies have been changed so that Jedi-ish and Star Wars-y things may happen to you! Good luck, cats. Any questions?"

Lionblaze spoke up.

"Do I _have _to go by 'Anakin'?"

Yellowfang thought about it.

"It is written in your destiny that you go by 'Lionblaze,' even if it has been changed to something Star Wars-like. So I would have to say no to that."

"Yay. Good."

Firestar begged to differ.

"Well, I'm going by 'Yoda'. That is an awesome name that you don't hear everyday."

"If you do that, Firestar,-" Yellowfang started.

"Yoda!"

"_Yoda_, then you must talk funny. 'Talk like this, you must then.'"

"Cool, that is!" The newly-christened Yoda exclaimed.

"Good, you get the idea. The Senate area will be RiverClan territory, normal ones get WindClan territory, the Sith get ShadowClan territory, and Jedi are in ThunderClan territory. Go to your territories now, and let your paths unfold!"

And so the cats dispersed to their territories, most to their original ones, and the rest to a new and strange one.

* * *

In the new Senate land, Leopardstar got up on her usual spot for announcements and yowled,

"Hello, Senate! Now, I know most of you, but others, I do not. You, WindClan tabby," she pointed her tail at Heathertail. "What's your name?"

"Heathertail. I'm to play Padmé Amidala."

"Welcome, Heathertail, to the old RiverClan camp. Since your character seems to be important, then you get to sleep in the center of our warriors den."

"Thank you," Heathertail said, and she went off to explore the new camp.

After she left, she welcomed the former WindClan family to the camp, too.

"Now all of us most act formal and create laws for _everyone_ to follow!"

The Senate cheered.

* * *

Life didn't change as much for WindClan. Kestrelpaw made Onestar rename him Kestreltalon, and Nightcloud, Crowfeather, and Breezepaw were missing from the warrior and apprentice dens, but otherwise, things were pretty much normal.

* * *

At ShadowClan territory, the five cats prowled around their camp, whispering bad things about the Jedi, not caring that some of them were their old Clanmates.

"I hate the Jedi!" Ratscar said.

"Yeah, the pieces of foxdung don't even know that we are coming back behind their ugly backs!" Rowanclaw agreed, chuckling stupidly.

"Nee ha ha ha," Blackstar laughed, rather evilly.

"Let's attack them in the morning!" suggested Toadfoot.

"No, we'd be way too outnumbered. And they aren't supposed to know of our return until we grow strong enough," the black-pawed, white-furred Sith/ShadowClan leader warned.

Then the rest of them laughed evilly too.

* * *

The ThunderClan half of the Jedi were not getting along well with the ShadowClan half of the Jedi. Kits were arguing about who gets which spot in the nursery, senior warriors were arguing about who would get the center of the warriors den, and everyone else seemed to be just plain hostile.

"Quite enough, that is!" yelled Yoda/Firestar.

The whole camp fell into a hush.

"Sorry, Master!" they apologized.

Yet they still kept bickering quietly. Finally, Yoda and Brambleclaw were able to settle things down, everyone was happy, and the cats were making new friends.

* * *

No matter the new group or old Clan, life as a Clan cat was about to get a whole lot weirder.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter and will review!**


	2. Cheese Later On

**Here's the second chapter! Thanks to Jedi Kittin, aaa, and SkittlebitSpriggles for reviewing! Hope you enjoy this next installment of this completely random story! Again, Sunrise doesn't exist in this story because it came out after I started this. There are dead characters in this chapter.**

**aaa: Thanks! Yes, it is very random, and I'm proud of it!**

**I do not own any rights to anything on Fanfiction. I should write a best-selling book, then, if it gets onto FanFiction, I can write on it and I don't have to do this declaimer! Hehehe....**

* * *

Lionblaze woke up to Berrynose prodding him with his paw. To his surprise, he was in the apprentice den.

"What the--- why are _you _here, Berrynose, waking me up like this?"

Berrynose scoffed.

"I wouldn't be so disrespectful towards your Jedi mentor, _Padawan_," the incredibly bossy cream-colored tom spat.

Lionblaze began screaming inside.

"You're my new mentor? Oh, no...."

"Oh, yes,"

"Noooooo!"

"Yeeeeesssss!"

"Nooooooooo!"

"Yeeeeeessssss!

"Noooo------"

The golden cat was cut off by Hollyleaf stalking in and cuffing both his and Berrynose's ears with her front paws.

"Would you shut up? You just scared away all the prey from here to the lake!"

"Sorry," both toms apologized quietly.

"Come on," Berrynose commanded, "let's go see Fir--- Yoda about training."

They both walked past a still bristling Hollyleaf and into Yoda's den.

"Yoda?" called the annoying tom.

"Come in, you may," was Yoda's reply, in a raspy, bouncy voice.

The two warriors got a huge surprise as they came into the den. Yoda looked nothing like his old Firestar self. His fur was turning green, and his ears had grown at least double of what they had been.

"Yes?" Yoda asked.

"Um, Lionblaze and I were just going to talk to you about training, so... um, green fur and big ears."

Berrynose's last few words made no sense at all; he was too dazed by Yoda/Firestar's messed up appearance.

"Making fun of me, are you?"

"No.... I'm just gonna...."

The tom was weirded out too much to talk sense anymore. "I love... Honeyfern, have to train arrogant, annoying Lionblaze, Firestar looks like a... freak...."

He swayed back and forth in his spot and then passed out.

"Look like a freak, I do?"

Lionblaze shook his head. _Yeah, you do, actually. But I choose not to say so aloud..._

"Um, no. I'm annoying and arrogant?"

"Think not, I do."

"Berrynose loves me?!" Honeyfern squealed, suddenly appearing in Yoda/Firestar's den.

She began to lick him. "Wake up, Berrynose!" she pleaded.

Then she passed out too. Yoda and Lionblaze looked at her. Then they looked at each other.

"Leave her, you must. Come to get her, Leafpool will."

"Hopefully she'll cure their minds. They're INSANE!"

"Agree with you, I do."

"Um, what about my training?"

"A fool, Berrynose is. Use lightsabers, Jedi do, and have posable thumbs, we do not. So out of the question, lightsaber combat is."

"What's a lightsaber, exactly?"

"Exactly know, I do not. But extremely awesome, they are."

"Sure... Then what are we, as Jedi, to do?"

"Good question, Anakin!"

"My name is Lionblaze! You named me that yourself!"

"Since being Star Wars cats, we are, the name of your role, you must go by."

"But Anakin is such a weird name!"

"To him, be a weird name, Lionblaze might be."

Anakin/Lionblaze glowered.

"Touche."

"One more thing, young Skywalker. Have attatchments, you must not."

"Skywalker? It sounds like a StarClan cat's name."

"Your last name, it is."

"What in the name of StarClan is a last name?" Lionblaze Skywalker cried.

"Have no idea, I do. A Twoleg thing, it is."

Skywalker rolled his eyes.

"It's gonna take me a while to get used to this," he muttered. Then he stalked out the den. "I need to take a walk."

* * *

Heathertail was not required by Leopardstar to go by Padmé, but she liked it. It was... different. Deciding that she should probably get to know what was formerly RiverClan's territory, she walked around the lake. When she got close to the ShadowClan border, she met Lionblaze/Anakin.

"Lionblaze? What are you doing here?!"

"Just taking a little walk."

"You crossed ShadowClan territory!"

"There's only, like, four cats.... Are you an angel?"

Padmé/Heathertail forgot about what she was asking.

"What's an angel?"

"I really don't know. But they're probably beautiful."

"Eew, Lionblaze! You know that those days in the tunnels are long gone"

"Call me Anakin. And sorry...."

If he could, Anakin would have been blushing. But, since he couldn't, he looked down at his paws shyly.

"Well, see ya," he said. After, he turned tail and ran back to ThunderClan territory.

Heathertail watched him leave until his golden pelt was out of sight. She knew Breezepelt liked her, but she didn't like him that much. For all she knew, she didn't like anybody. But maybe Lionblaze was different from any other cat...

* * *

"DIIIIEEE, JEDI, DIEEEEE!" Ratscar screeched, flinging himself onto a large rock.

"Careful, Darth Ratscar, careful. Do you want the Jedi to hear you?" Blackstar crooned. _Great StarClan, these cats are idiots!_

"No...."

"Then be more quiet. A Sith is stealthy. We would sneak up on the Jedi. Now try that again."

Ratscar crouched behind the rock and pounced on it. Blackstar beamed.

"That's more like it; you're good. NEXT!"

Ratscar left the little clearing and was replaced by Rowanclaw. Rowanclaw performed the same moved swiftly and silently. Then, a large Twoleg fist came out from under the rock and punched him.

"What the ---beep---?"

His words were so foul that a bird fell out of the sky and died. Ratscar edged toward it and devoured the poor bird. Rowanclaw's hackles raised angrily. He flew onto the stone fist and ripped it out from under the rock, pulling it out with his claws as he yowled with rage.

Blackstar looked on approvingly.

"Ah, good work with the fist. And it seems that you have given Ratscar a meal."

Ratscar gulped; Blackstar hadn't even turned around to see Ratscar eat the bird.

"Well, I should be going to the Senate. They'll be missing me. Rowanclaw, you're in charge."

Rowanclaw grinned. He sat down on the rock.

"Now, my subject," he said to Toadfoot, who was rather disappointed about not getting to practice, "fetch me a meal before I eat _you_!"

Blackstar popped out from the bushes.

"No acting superior or giving out death threats. That's my job."

He suddenly vanished into thin air. The three other toms blinked.

"Weird," they all mewed at the same time.

* * *

Kestreltalon was gathering herbs for his very normal Clan when he came smelled somthing quite unusual. It didn't smell like prey or herbs, but it smelled... good. So good, in fact, that he decided to follow it. He finally got to the end of the scent trail. However, he was disappointed; all that was there were a few small cubes of something orange. The cubes didn't appear to be poisonous. So, he licked one of them up and ate it. His head jerked up. His eyes grew wide.

"Great StarClan, what is this stuff? It's... soooo..... good! "

Immediately, the starry figure of Tallstar floated down from the white, puffy clouds.

"They are cubes of cheese, young Kestreltalon. This particular variety is called _cheddar _cheese. Now, I have a quest for you. Take the cheese back to WindClan and don't let the other Clans lay a claw on the cheese. I will bring you more cheese every day. Take the cheese back, Kestreltalon...."

Tallstar disappeared.

"I will never fail this quest!" the young tom declared to the wind.

Carefully, Kestreltalon picked up the cubes of this strange new cheddar cheese and hurried back to the camp.

"I _LOVE_ CHEESE!"

* * *

**Cheese tastes good! How was this chapter? Review, and I'll update sooner than I did for this time! Now while I'm gone my advice to you is: eat your fruits and vegetables, never give your siblings your cheese, eat a cupcake, and shampoo a squirrel (I got the squirrel thing from iCarly). Thanks!**

**~Katie~**


	3. Millie Knows the Muffin Man

**Thanks, icanhazlolcatsplz, Jedi Kittin, SkittlebitSpriggles, and Moonstream-Warrior, for reviewing! I'm glad you are enjoying it. :D Also, I would especially like to thank Jedi Kittin for recommending this story to Moonstream-Warrior! Sorry this update has been taking me awhile. I am very very very sorry! And I'm assuming that the cats live in England or Scotland.**

**I am neither the Erin Hunter people nor George Lucas. Ergo, I own none of this. And I don't own the Muffin Man, his song, or Chuck Norris. Definitely not Chuck Norris.**

* * *

Chancellor Blackstar called the Senate meeting to order.

"Welcome, my friends, to the first ever Senate meeting of the Forest Republic. Wait, where's Senator Heathertail?"

"Um, she said that she's supposed to be a queen first, so she's not here. I didn't know she was going to have kits." Crowfeather answered.

"Senator Crowfeather, you have spoked out of turn I did not give you permission to speak," Blackstar drawled harshly, not pausing in between sentences. "_And, _this type of queen is just a ruler, Senator."

Crowfeather would have been blushing if he could have. But, since he couldn't, he shrank back.

"Anyways," continued Blackstar, "as the Senate, we have to make rules! Anyone have ideas on what these rules should be?"

Leopardstar raised her paw.

"Yes, Senator Leopardstar?" the Chancellor acknowledged. He looked at Crowfeather pointedly. "See how it's done?"

The spotted she-cat began,

"How about the Warrior Code?"

The rest of the Senate murmured in consent.

"That could work. All in favor?"

Each cat raised a paw.

"Now we shall tell the rest of the forest these new rules!"

The Senate began to shout "Booyah!", six of them running off to spread the work around.

* * *

Onestar was out hunting when suddenly, he smelled a whiff of rabbit scent. He quickly located it and tore off in its direction. The poor rabbit only heard him coming before it was too late. Onestar pounced.... and it died. Then he caught another scent; it was Kestreltalon and..... Tallstar? The confused leader buried his rabbit stalked off in their direction. Kestreltalon was crouching underneath a shrub. Tallstar pushed many large cubes of something orange to him just as Onestar found them. Immediately, he was mesmerized. The cubes could only be the WindClan-famous cheese! Kestreltalon had brought some back the day before, and the whole Clan had become hooked.

"CHEESE!" Onestar yowled, leaping into the shrub.

In reaction to this sudden, surprising movement, the floating Tallstar stuck out his two front paws and zapped the tom with hurtful blue--things---that looked like many bolts of lightning intertwined.

"Ow!"

Tallstar bared his teeth. Foam poured out of his mouth.

"Do--_not_--try--to--hog--the--cheese!" he hissed.

Onestar's face began to quiver.

"Y-yes, T-T-Tallstar," he stammered.

Tallstar glared.

"Geez, Onestar, you're so pathetic! Maybe I _would _have been better off with Mudclaw as leader!"

The black-and-white dead cat then quickly became happy. Way too happy. "Hey! I feel a prophecy coming on for you, Onestar! Now, where did I put it?"

He rummaged around his fur with his nose, pulled out an envelope that said "PROPHECY" on it, and beamed. He opened the ivory envelope. "Ah, here it is. Okay: Beware of the pig from the Southwest. There you go; have fun with it."

And the former leader disappeared with a puff of smoke. Onestar turned to Kestreltalon, who had already licked up at least two cubes of cheese in the process of watching the episode between his leader and Tallstar.

"Could-- I have some of that cheese?" Onestar asked.

"Nooooooo!" the other cat wailed. "Later!"

As soon as he had finished speaking, a pig burst out of nowhere.

"I am the pig from the Southwest!" it proclaimed.

Then, for no good reason, it sneezed all over the two cats. And, just like Tallstar, it too disappeared with a puff of smoke. After standing rooted in their spots for quite a while, Onestar and Kestreltalon finally headed back to the Clan camp. When they got back, they found the whole Clan waiting for them. With a huff and a puff, both sneezed on all of WindClan. Kestreltalon dropped the misfortunate cheese all over the ground. Then every cat started sneezing! What exactly was going on....?

* * *

Millie had recovered from the after-effects of the greencough. Now she had to take a break from her kits! Hastily, she got Graystripe to take over the caring of the three kits and hurried out of camp.

_Ah, what a lovely day!_

Soon enough, she heard some sort of odd noise. She had heard it before. Was it a Twoleg singing?

_"Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man?_

_"Do you know the Muffin Man, who lives on Drury Lane?"_

The Muffin Man?!? Who the heck was the Muffin Man? Instantly, the ground broke open. The clouds darkened. Thunder rumbled. And on a platform of steel came a Twoleg donning white clothing.

"I am.... the Muffin Man!" he boomed.

Millie backed up slowly.

"No, not the Muffin Man! Wait, what do you do exactly?"

The Muffin Man looked outraged.

"You don't know what I do?! Why, I make the best muffins in the world! Um, well, besides Chuck Norris, of course."

"Sure...."

"To prove it to you, I will _give_ you one of my muffins! Free of charge, too!"

He suddenly beamed, the creepy and powerful aura leaving him completely. With a snap of his flour-covered fingers, a muffin appeared in front of Millie. Hesitantly, she poked the papery wrapper off with her nose and took a bite. Immediately, her eyes became mesmerized, black and white swirls of hypnotism.

"Is.... is that.... bl...blueberry I taste?" Millie took another bite of her complimentary muffin, quite like a robotic cat. The Muffin Man beamed.

"Yes; very good, Millie!"

"H... how do you know my name?"

"The Muffin Man knows almost _everything_, my dear, four-legged friend."

He beamed and suddenly disappeared, leaving only the scent of freshly-baked muffins behind him. Millie's head jerked up from just finishing the muffin.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Muffin Man and muffins! Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

But the Muffin Man didn't come back, and neither did his muffins. One of Millie's eyes twitched as she sulked back to the ThunderClan camp. Oh, how she missed the muffins already!

* * *

**Again, I am soooooooooooooo sorry for not updating quickly! However, I am now out of school (woot!), so I will be able to update more often. Find out what happens to WindClan in the next chapter! And will Millie ever get the Muffin Man to come back? Thanks for reading!**


	4. Posers, Cures, Store Credit, Bon Jovi

**Thanks to all of my reviewers! [Gives reviewers cookies] Here is my next chapter; hope you like it!**

**[Pokes myself] Nope, not two people, so I'm not the Erins. [Feels face] Nope, no beard, so I'm not George Lucas, either. [Pokes self again] Nope, not a band, so I'm not Bon Jovi.**

* * *

Poppyfrost was taking a stroll through the beautiful woods, just like Millie had been only a sunrise before. However, she was doing a border patrol by herself. Out of the blue sprung an odd, black-clad cat.... thing. It didn't look like a cat, though. It just had the general shape of one.

"I AM DARTH VADER!" it proclaimed.

Poppyfrost blinked.

"Okay, good for you."

"Darth Vader" let out a mechanical huff.

"I am not actually Darth Vader; I am actually a cat."

"Then why did you say you were in the first place? And what the Dark Forest is with the thing you're wearing?!"

The cat thing waved its paw in front of Poppyfrost.

"You don't want to diss the suit."

"I don't want to diss the suit."

"You want to go home and tell the rest of the Jedi about me."

"I want to go home and tell the rest of the Jedi about you."

Poppyfrost went home to tell the rest of the Jedi about the Darth Vader poser.

"Mouse-brain," the poser scoffed when she left.

* * *

Poor Kestreltalon. All of WindClan --including him!-- was sick, and he didn't know what they had! Fortunately, he barely had it. They apparently had the same illness, but he was sure it wasn't greencough! Sure, every cat was coughing, but there were more symptoms. For example, Ashfoothad so many symptoms, she was a priority patient. Her nose was runny and stuffy, she had a sore throat, she had headaches, she had aches all over her body, she was frequently experiencing chills, she was always tired, she had a fever, and she occasionally vomited. What was a medicine cat to do? Desperate, he decided to go to ShadowClan territory. The cats there would help him!

Kestreltalon shivered as he reached the old ShadowClan camp.

"Hello?" his voice wavered. It was weak from the sickness.

Ratscar, wearing eccentric loops of grass with a huge ball of moss hanging down from the middle of the loop, stalked out from behind a bush.

"Yo, cat. Whadda ya hafta do wit us, da Sith?"

Kestreltalon coughed.

"Huh?"

"Whadda ya _want, _cat?"

"My whole Clan is sick! I've never seen a sickness like what they have before! I need your help! Please!"

"Get lost, yo. We Sith don't wanna cetch yo nasty germs."

"You don't wanna _what_ _whose _nasty germs?"

"Cetch. Yo. We don't wanna _catch_ _your _germs. Got that, noob?"

The little cat's eye quivered.

"Uh-huh...."

He shot back off out of the territory.

"Yeah, you betta run, yo!" Ratscar shouted after him. To himself, he nudged his loops of grass with his nose and added, "I gotta get me some more bling, yo!"

Finally, Kestreltalon reached ThunderClan territory. He knew for sure Firestar would help him! Firestar would help _anybody_!

"Hi, Kestreltalon!" Hollyleaf greeted when she saw him in the camp. "Wait, what are you doing on our territory you're from WindClan omigosh you shouldn't be here you're disobeying the Warrior Code!"

"I need help," Kestreltalon said. He sniffled.

"Help, you need?" Yoda questioned.

The sick cat nodded fervently.

"All of WindClan is sick, and I'm not sure what's wrong with them! Could you help me?"

"Help you, I can not."

Kestreltalon sighed.

"But help you, Leafpool may."

"Oh, thank you, Firestar, thank you!"

"Yoda! Yoda, my name is!"

But Kestreltalon couldn't hear him. He was already in Leafpool's den. Jayfeather was busy eating a muffin.

"Leafpool, Kestreltalon's here," he said, though it sounded like "Weafpwool, Keftriltawin's ear," since his mouth was full of banana nut muffin.

"What? Oh, hi, Kestreltalon! Does WindClan need any herbs? How may I help you?"

"Um, how do you cure a sickness with these symptoms:"

Kestreltalon listed everything while Leafpool tried to pay attention. There were so many! She thought about them for a while, but couldn't think of anything.

"Sorry, Kestreltalon, I have no idea what to do! Well, what you _could_ do is make a poultice of herbs and remedies for all the different symptoms."

"That could work! Thanks, Leafpool!"

Kestreltalon was filled with a sudden energy as he ran back to WindClan. Off he went through the moors until he got back to camp. Lucky for him, no cat had died. He got to work immediately. He put on his apron, took out his wooden spoon and steel pot, and began to stir up a poultice. But wait! There was something missing! He never mixed poultices without music! Quickly, he pushed a button on his radio, and his favorite rock song from the 1980s blared from the speakers.

"Ah, much better," he sighed. "Now, catmint for coughing...."

"And chervil roots for bellyache...."

"Feverfew for fever and chills...."

"Honey for sore throats...."

Reluctantly, Kestreltalon used up the last of his honey for the poultice. Hopefully, he could find more.

_Whoa we're halfway there_

_Livin' on a prayer_

_Take my hand, and we'll make it; I swear_

_Livin' on a prayer...._

Kestreltalon loved that song. But the rest of WindClan didn't. Strangely enough, at the time, the Clan was too sick to force him to turn it off.

"Juniper berries for bellyache additionally..."

"Lavender for the fever also..."

"Watermint... Hmm, what about tansy? Maybe I'll add a little bit when I administer it to the Clan."

Kestreltalon finished his poultice.

"Onnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssstttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," he called.

"What?" The leader coughed weakly.

"I have a poultice to help you!"

Onestar slowly took the poultice. He swallowed it, but he coughed once he had.

"This tastes like paws!"

"It's going to, and how do you know what paws taste like?"

"Never mind that, just cure the rest of the Clan."

So Kestreltalon did. He hoped Leafpool's idea worked...

* * *

The Senate was bored. Ultimately, they were disappointed by the rest of the cats' lack of excitement to the first rule ever made by the Senate. Chancellor Blackstar was busy droning on and on about how ungrateful those not in the Senate were and how without the Senate, every cat would slowly descend into anarchy, blah blah blah. Most of the Senate was actually pretending to listen, though Breezepelt and Crowfeather had dozed off hours ago, almost as soon as Chancellor Blackstar's speech had started. Taking a very risky chance in interrupting Blackstar, Mistyfoot spoke out:

"Hey, how about we make a law that every cat should have to be excited about every law that the Senate makes?"

Blackstar, originally miffed at the interruption, looked awed.

"Fantastic idea, Senator Mistyfoot! That idea has given you a raise!"

"But... you don't pay us."

"Well, then, extra fish for you! Nightcloud! Catch Senator Mistyfoot some extra fish for her raise!"

"Yes, sir."

Blackstar had forced Nightcloud to be his personal assistant instead of serving in the Senate. He thought Nightcloud being below someone in a situation like the Senate would be good for her.

"Wait, sir?"

"Yeah? What is it?" Blackstar sounded annoyed.

"I don't know how to fish."

"You don't know how to fish? Tsk, tsk, tsk, then LEARN."

Nightcloud took that as her cue to leave.

"Senators, go spread the new law!"

The Senators had no choice but to go spread the law.

* * *

Meanwhile, in ThunderClan, Lionblaze just knew something was wrong with Berrynose telling him to go train all the time. Angry, he dragged his claws down a tree. Suddenly, Yellowfang descended from a cloud shaped like the letters "S" and "C" conjoined.

"Young Skywalker, I sense you sense something wrong."

"What?"

"I know that you know that something is wrong."

"Yeah. Something IS wrong. Berrynose is training me, but I feel like I'm not supposed to right now!"

"You are right. The thing is, in the first Star Wars movie, _The Phantom Menace_, Anakin only starts his training at the end of the movie. In this time frame, we're barely at the middle."

"Oh."

"So, before you go, here's what I want you to do:

"One, tell Berrynose to stop telling you train. Say that I said that.

"Two, tell Brambleclaw that he's Mace Windu. Say that I said that.

"And three, tell Sorreltail that she gets unlimited store credit at The StarClan Shop. Say that I said that."

"What's The StarClan Shop?" Lionblaze queried.

"It's our store that we just opened. It sells all kinds of cool stuff, see?"

Yellowfang gestured to an empty clearing. With a giant POOF!, a Twoleg nest appeared right in the middle of it. It smelled really good. Redtail and Willowpelt walked out of it with large shopping bags and then happily ascended on a flight of golden stairs back to the SC cloud.

"Um, sure, okay...."

Lionblaze turned aorund to leave.

"Wait!"

"What _now_?"

"Soon would be a very good time to challenge Tornear to a podrace."

Now Lionblaze had no idea what a podrace was, and, if he were actually to do it, _how _he was going to do it.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll do what you said."

Lionblaze hurried back to camp as quickly as he could before Yellowfang could say anything else weird.

* * *

"Berrynose, Yellowfang says that I'm not supposed to be training now, so stop making me train for nothing," Lionblaze instructed. He was very puzzled as to why he actually obeyed Yellowfang's requests.

Berrynose huffed indignantly.

"Fine."

And he stalked away, trying to stick his stumpy tail in the air. Lionblaze turned to Brambleclaw.

"Brambleclaw, you're Mace Windu. Yellowfang's idea."

"Is he important?"

"I guess."

"Awesome!"

ThunderClan had long since accepted the weirdness that was now their lives, especially after Poppyfrost told ThunderClan of the Darth Vader cat. Then Lionblaze turned to Sorreltail.

"Sorreltail, Yellowfang told--"

"Yellowfang _talked_ to you? Lucky! What did she say? What did she say? Seriously, _what did she say_? Spit it out, cat!"

"Yellowfang told me to tell you that you have unlimited store credit at The StarClan Shop. I have no idea what's in there, but it sounds really cool and smells really good. And something tells me you're the only cat who's going to be able to go in there, let alone buy stuff."

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Sorreltail screeched as she happily dashed off to find the store.

"Bring us back something!" Cinderheart called after her. The gray she-cat's sisters yowled in agreement. And Sorreltail actually heard them. What a first in Weird Era history!

* * *

**There it is! I was actually able to crack 2,000 words without having to do lots of flashbacks! I did that extra-special for you since I had to keep you waiting. Sorry! I apologize! What will Sorreltail buy with her store credit? Will Kestreltalon's poultice work? Will Lionblaze actually challenge Tornear to a podrace? What is the Darth Vader cat going to do to ThunderClan? Ah, the questions! Those who can guess what virus the WindClan cats have get extra cookies. And check out my serious Star Wars story, too!**


	5. Shopping Fever!

**Thanks to Moonstream-Sunstripe, Midnight Star725, Unsharpened, Celeste Night, and AriusWinter for reviewing positively!**

**I don't even own a kitty cat. :( But I do own all of the Star Wars movies except for the Clone Wars one. I am not the owner of anything copyrighted that I have written about in this chapter.**

* * *

As soon as Sorreltail walked into The StarClan Shop, she got totally excited. It smelled of fresh-kill and fresh bedding and fresh pineapples! Sorreltail had no idea what pineapples were. But she loved the bells that tingled when she pushed open the door.

"Welcome to The StarClan Shop: ThunderClan location!" shouted the clerk behind the desk, Rainwhisker.

"Rainwhisker! I miss you so much! How are you doing?"

"Awesome! I'm working my dream job! So, how are your little kitties doing?"

"Alas, not well, not well at all. They are not acting weird, like they should be. Poppyfrost is doing the best, though. She came back into camp earlier today with some strange story about a Darth Vader cat," Sorreltail replied sadly. Rainwhisker looked worried and sympathetic.

"Ah, yes. The Darth Vader cat. Insane, that one is."

"You know about him?"

"Of course! Oh, it's _her_, not him. She was so obsessed with Darth Vader when we watched _Star Wars _up in StarClan... Finally, she just had to go pose as him."

"Well who is she?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, sis. When she left, she asked to be anonymous." Rainwhisker turned to a customer who had just come in. "Hey, there, Whitestorm, I mean, Dad! Come to buy more Jolly Ranchers, are you?"

"Jolly Ranchers?"

Whitestorm made a shocked noise from behind the tortoiseshell.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of Jolly Ranchers!"

"No, I haven't, Daddy."

"They're these awesome candies! Tell you what, I bet Honeyfern would just _love _them!"

Whitestorm picked up a bright blue bag with his teeth, placed the bag into a cat-sized messenger bag, and tossed the bag to Sorreltail, who slung it across her shoulder. Then she walked off, telling Whitestorm thank you.

It just so happened to turn out that The StarClan Shop was actually quite large. After fifteen minutes of just walking around in awe, Sorreltail came across a booth that read:

**Instant Custom T-Shirts! Just Ask For an Instant Custom T-Shirt! **

She _could _read; she had automatically learned just five seconds before she read the sign. Sorreltail looked at the picture of a t-shirt on a model cat, who looked a lot like Goldenflower when she was still a young warrior. This made Sorreltail want one. Badly. She turned to the cat running the booth, who just so happened to be Goldenflower herself.

"I'd like a custom t-shirt," she told Goldenflower.

Goldenflower beamed.

"Of course! Now, what do you want your t-shirt to say?"

Sorreltail thought for a very long time. Finally, she decided.

"I Heart Brackenfur. But the "heart" part must be a picture of an actual heart. And can there be a big picture of Brackenfur on the back?"

The now-dead queen nodded kindly. A loud voice that belonged to nobody shouted, "BEEP!" and a t-shirt that looked exactly like what Sorreltail described appeared on the counter.

"Is that what you want?" confirmed Goldenflower.

"Exactly! Thank you so much!"

Walking away from the booth, Sorreltail muttered, "Now, what to get for Cinderheart, Poppyfrost, and Brackenfur?"

Next, she came across a sub-room of the store. The sign read:

**_Star Wars _Merchandise! Get it here!**

Sorreltail turned there, walking into a dark room. The music inside played every single piece ever played in the movies. Currently, it was playing _Cantina Band_, even though Sorreltail didn't know that. She strolled along for a while until she found shelves full of bobble heads. Though the she-cat had never seen or heard of them before, she instantly knew what they were. There were bobbleheads of every character the cats had heard of, and ones they hadn't heard of. When Sorreltail looked at a row of Darth Vader cats, she instantly knew that she had to buy one of those for Poppyfrost. She took one from the shelf and put it in her bag, which now held the t-shirt and the Jolly Ranchers. She left the room, and soon came to rows and rows of video games. And there, in the center of it all, was a shiny, white Wii. A heavenly light shone around the box, and a chorus of angels sang the "Hallelujah Chorus" as Sorreltail walked closer and closer to it. Her jaw dropped, her eyes widened. The Wii was amazing. She grasped the handle with her teeth, putting the box in the bag as well. Now it was time to choose the games to go along with it! Cinderheart and Brackenfur still needed presents, so Sorreltail decided to get them their own games. After a while, she finally chose _Star Wars: The Clone Wars Lightsaber Duels _for Brackenfur and _Wii Fit _for Cinderheart, balance board and all. She got many vials of Posable Thumb Potion (developed in StarClan by Bluestar) for them so they could hold the remote and nunchuck. Then, for herself, she picked out _We Ski_.

Many hours had been spent in the shop. It was past sunhigh when Sorreltail finally came out. She lugged her bags with her teeth all the way back to camp. Once she got there, she let go of the bags.

"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!"

Her family rushed to meet her.

"What did you get? What did you get?" prodded Honeyfern. Her mother took out the bag of Jolly Ranchers. Honeyfern stared blankly at it, her eyes quivering. She sniffled.

"You... all you got me was this... _bag_?"

"Open it! Eat the candy; Whitestorm said you'd love it!"

Honeyfern's eyes twitched one last time as she pulled the bag back to her nest.

"What's _my_present?" asked Poppyfrost. Sorreltail reached into her shopping bag and brought out the Darth Vader bobblehead.

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!" Poppyfrost screamed. "NOOO! Not the creepy weird cat thing! NOOOOO!"

And she fled the scene, going to StarClan-knows-where. Cinderheart and Brackenfur looked at Sorreltail hesitantly.

_Oh crap, what scary or useless thing did she get _us_?_ They both wondered.

"Cinderheart! I got you the coolest thing ever!"

_Oh, no._

Much to Cinderheart's surprise, Sorreltail brought out the _Wii Fit _box.

"Oh. Migosh!" the gray she-cat exclaimed, sounding like a teenage Twoleg girly-girl. "That's, like, so _cool!_"

Sorreltail beamed.

"I _knew_ you'd like it!"

She turned to Brackenfur and pushed the lightsaber game over to him.

"Whoah! Awesome! That's perfect! Because I'm a Jedi, you know!" Brackenfur marveled in awe.

It did not take long for any of the cats to set up the Wii, which magically made a seventy-two-inch high-definition plasma screen TV appear in the middle of the camp. The Mii Channel had been reconfigured by Bluestar to use cats as the Miis, instead of Twolegs. More insanity was about to grab ThunderClan by the tail...

* * *

Lionblaze had chosen _not _to challenge Tornear. At the WindClan camp, Kestreltalon was still working on healing the cats. Very fortunately, the poultice had worked on Onestar. However, the name of the illness was still unknown, and Kestreltalon had run out of his cure. He was still gathering more ingredients to make it again; there were only a few cats who were still sick. Tornear had been cured, and he suddenly felt moved to challenge Lionblaze to a podrace. Without getting a patrol or Onewhisker's permission, he marched straight to the ThunderClan camp. As he came in, he was met by Hollyleaf.

"No Tornear you can't come in here you're breaking the Warrior Code you should know that you're an _old_ cat not an apprentice what are you doing here what do you want you're breaking the Warrior Code!?!?!?!"

Tornear hissed and pushed past her, stalking into the camp. For some reason, he didn't notice the huge TV in the camp clearing. Brackenfur was playing Wii Hunting. Bluestar had changed _Wii Sports_ into games that stimulated Clan life. Now the games on the _Wii Sports _disc were Hunting, Patrolling, Fighting, Apprentice Training, and, just for medicine cats, Herb Collecting.

"Lionblaze!" he roared.

Lionblaze came out of the warriors den, confused as to why a WindClan cat was standing in his camp, calling his name.

"Yeah?"

"I challenge thee to a podrace!"

"_'Thee'_?"

"Yes, 'thee'! Now, tell me, cat, are you or are you not going to accept my challenge?!"

"Eh, sure, why not?"

"Then, our podrace shall be held next sunhigh, in WindClan territory, by the stream," proclaimed Tornear.

"Whatever," muttered Lionblaze. "I guess I'll be there, then."

As the old cat left, the golden tom shrugged. _I guess I'm going to have to do this podracing stuff after all_.

Even though he didn't really feel like doing the podrace, Lionblaze was ready. Tornear had better watch out. Because Lionblaze was going to kick his sorry kitty butt if he didn't.

* * *

**Another chapter done! In case it interests you, check out my --pure-- Star Wars story, too! Your reviews would be greatly appreciated. :D Personally, I think this chapter was just weird, not funny. Oh well.... Thank you to Moonstream-Sunstripe for the t-shirt idea!****  
Stay tuned for the next chapter to see more of the Wii and the podrace! I have a poll on my profile, and it concerns this story. Please review and vote!**

**~Katie~**


	6. A Race, a Meeting, and Another Meeting

**Thank you to Moonstream-Sunstripe, AruisWinter, Earthwhisker, FurryPurrsona, Syal the Jedi, and Come Lady Death for reviewing the fifth chapter, and thanks for the encouragement! [hands cookies] I apologize for the delay. Worst case of Writer's Block I've ever had... And Squirrelflight is Shmi, even though she's not Lionblaze's actual mother. (Whoops Long Shadows/Sunrise spoilers!)  
Would my PenName be _Katie Ladmoore_ if I were the Erins? I also do not own Superman, Doritos, Wii, et cetera...**

* * *

Anakin/Lionblaze cautiously to the meeting place Tornear had set with Squirrelflight, Thornclaw, and Foxpaw. Thornclaw had been told previously by Yellowfang to be Qui-Gon Jinn, and Foxpaw had been instructed to act like Jar-Jar Binks. Suddenly...

"YAAAAAHHHH!" screeched Tornear, leaping out of the bushes.

"What the Dark Forest, Tornear?! I thought this was a _race_, not a _battle_!" protested Lionblaze, slightly fazed by the random outburst.

"It is. I was just scaring you because I felt like it."

The golden tom looked at the older cat blankly.

"Okay, then... Now what are we supposed to do for this dumb race, anyways?"

Tornear opened his mouth to answer, but another cat pressed through the bushes. It was Heathertail. Lionblaze couldn't help but look at her, almost drooling.

"I heard Lionblaze was going to race you," she meowed silkily.

"Yeah. I'm gonna race him. I'm gonna _beat _him too..." droned Lionblaze Skywalker.

"Well, I came to watch. Good luck, Lionblaze."

"Th...th... thanks...."

Tornear scrutinized his rival oddly and then proceeded to explain the podracing rules. The first cat to circle the lake twice won.

"Now, for the pods...." Tornear said when he finished. At his words, two gigantic green bean pods fell from the sky and landed in front of the two racing cats.

"How are you supposed to work this thing?!" Skywalker inquired, analyzing the pod.

"I don't know... But if you win, you're free. If I win, I own your buddy Thornclaw Jinn as well as you and your precious mummy."

"Own me?"

"No more questions! Let's rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" yelled Tornear, leaping into the pod closest to him.

The pod suddenly went _vrrrrrrooooooosh! _and the older cat zoomed away. Lionblaze copied him, and the same happened.

"Welcome to your pod!" an unusually--almost sickening-- cheery she-cat's voice spoke in the cat's ear. "Today, I'm going to tell you how to operate your pod! Hopefully you'll win this race!"

There was a slight pause, but the happy she-cat spoke up again. "Your pod will always turn when you need it. This is convenient."

"Well, no duh..."

"However, this only works for the shape of the track. Now, to accelerate, squish the peas-- the round seeds-- beneath your front paws."

Lionblaze did so, and suddenly he was only a few fox-lengths behind Tornear.

"Don't worry, the peas will always regenerate themselves once you've squished them! Now, to pass your rivals, simply put most of your weight to the side you want to pass them on. Be careful not to put most of your weight on the side, or you'll tip over!"

Lionblaze squashed the peas again, and his pod shot forward. He was almost right beside Tornear now. He leaned a little bit to the left, pressed down on the peas for a third time, and leaned quickly to the right. He was in the lead! There was only three-fourths of a lap to go.

Half a lap, a quarter of a lap... twenty fox-lengths, ten-fox lengths...

Tornear was only three tail-lengths behind Anakin.

Five fox lengths....

Lionblaze Skywalker pressed down on the peas one more time...

One fox-length... Finish!

"Whoohooo! Yay Ani!" cheered Foxpaw.

The winning cat hopped out of the pea pod triumphantly. Tornear came up behind him and pulled to a stop. He didn't seem very happy.

"Well, I guess you're free. Fox dung!"

Tornear then ran away, sobbing brokenheartedly.

"So I get to be a Jedi now?" Lionblaze asked Thornclaw.

"Probably. My apprentice, Berrynose Kenobi, and I are going to present you to the Jedi Council. Ultimately, they are the ones who are going to decide your fate."

"That's sort of creepy..."

Thornclaw shrugged.

"I guess. Well, let us go!"

Suddenly, Thornclaw sprouted a Superman cape and took off into the air. Squirrelflight, Foxpaw, Heathertail, and Lionblaze looked up at him in awe. Thornclaw looked down at them and realized that _they_ hadn't sprouted Superman capes. So, he landed. The cape dissolved into his fur just as his paws touched the ground.

"Sorry about that."

Lionblaze said goodbye to his mother, who he _was _going to see again; she was just going to turn into a Jedi. Then, he turned tail and followed Heathertail, Thornclaw, and Foxpaw back to ThunderClan territory.

Oddly, as they were leaving, Darth Ratscar leaped out of the bushes and attacked Thornclaw. The Jedi was able to chase him off, and Ratscar ran back into the bushes where he came from.

* * *

A few minutes later, the victorious podracing party, excluding Shmi/Squirrelflight, arrived back in the ThunderClan camp. A group of Munchkins ran in front of them, heralding their return. Hollyleaf looked very happy to see that her brother had won the race... until she spotted Heathertail. She stalked up to the Queen of "Naboo" --though no one knew her true identity-- and immediately began to rant.

"How dare you come into our camp Heathertail that's against the Warrior Code you're a warrior you should know that why aren't you going away why are you walking to our leader's den you'd better not attack him he may be way too old but he can still kick your tail stop that go away!"

"Good to see you too, Hollyleaf," Heathertail said coolly.

Hollyleaf let out a frustrated yowl and ran headfirst into the rock wall of the camp. Lionblaze rolled his eyes. Yoda came out of his den to greet them; his ears were still way out of proportion, his fur was still green, and he still was really small. The rest of the Jedi Council was with him. Though the actual Jedi Council had twelve members, there were about half that here.

"Um, what happened to your leader?" asked Heathertail, stopping and backing away slowly. Abruptly, she eyed the clock statue that was connected to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado, and was accurate to one-tenth of a second. She did a doubletake.

"Is that the time? StarClan, I have to leave!"

"W...Why?" stuttered Lionblaze.

"I, um, have to run an errand for the Queen, um, since I'm, um, one of her handmaidens and all..."

Nervously, Heathertail bolted out of the camp and territory with Foxpaw following her. Thornclaw narrowed his eyes, but then he went back to greet Yoda and the Council as Berrynose .

"Come hither, Master Jinn!" Brambleclaw boomed.

Thornclaw came hither, taking Lionblaze with him.

"Masters, I have found this cat."

"Found him? We've known him for ages! You haven't found him!" Dustpelt protested.

"Dustpelt, you really gotta kill my buzz, don't you? _Anyway_, I think he might be a good addition to the Jedi, in accordance to the Prophecy."

The Council gasped.

"You're referring to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it's this tom?" Brambleclaw inquired in shock.

Thornclaw nodded.

"What other prophecy could I be referring to?"

"There will be three, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws!" cried Yoda, who immediately looked embarrassed at his outburst. The rest of the Council looked at him queerly for only a moment, then turned their stares back to Thornclaw.

"I really don't think the Prophecy could be about this cat," Brambleclaw said disapprovingly.

"Please let me train him! He's the one of the prophecy!"

"He doesn't need training; he's already a warrior," Cloudtail added.

"Yeah. Too old, he is, to begin the training," decreed Yoda.

But Thornclaw said, "Now listen here: just stick it in your pointy ear. I still will teach this tom."

After he thoroughly told Yoda "I don't care," he immediately began singing "The Saga Begins." He wandered off in a trance, leaving Lionblaze in utter confusion and the Council in utter shock.

* * *

Brackenfur had been hogging the Wii. This made Cinderheart mad. She wanted to try out her new game that her mother had given her. But nooo... her father was busy leading attacks on ShadowClan.

"Die, ShadowClan scum!" he screeched as Cinderheart watched on, bored.

"_Dad_, can I _please_ try out _my_ game?"

Brackenfur was too immersed in the game to hear her. All he did was chase another ShadowClan warrior into his den and pop a Dorito in his mouth. His paws were stained with the powdered cheese all the Doritos had left behind. A stack of fourteen empty Dorito bags were piled up next to the television. This final ignorance was the last straw for Cinderheart.

"Yaaaaaah!" she yowled, launching herself onto him. The cats sharing tounges in the camp glanced up, but they went back to their conversations after a small glance. A few days earlier, that would have been out of the ordinary, but now, it was quite the ordinary.

Brackenfur shook her off.

"Cinderheart! Do _not _jump on me when I am playing my Wii game! See, you just made me lose a life!" he hissed. It was true; now he had only eight lives, instead of nine, left.

"Gosh, Dad! You never give me what I want!" Cinderheart whined, again sounding like a teenage Twoleg girl.

"Go to your nest, young she-cat!"

Cinderheart whimpered and tore off into the warriors den to throw a temper tantrum. Inside the den, Poppyfrost was staring in fear at the Darth Vader bobblehead.

* * *

Meanwhile, Heathertail had lied about having to run an errand for the Queen of Naboo. She _was_ the Queen of Naboo! Then what exactly was the reason she had left? Simple; she had to appear in front of the Senate and beg for help. Naboo, at that very moment, was being run over by H1N1 viruses. Her archenemy had sent the pig from the Southwest on her Clan and given them the virus. She hoped that Kestreltalon was doing her best in helping the Clan.

"My people are dying!" she told Chancellor Blackstar, who really shouldn't have been Chancellor at the time.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. What are we supposed to do about it?" he asked, eating a fish that he forced Nightcloud to catch for him.

"We need medical help! Please! We need antibiotics!"

"What are those?"

"They're supposed to help cure their sickeness! The Trade Federation has unleased the virus on us; Gunray must be punished!"

"I object!" Blackclaw, who was the leader of the Trade Federation, protested. "I wouldn't try to mass-murder a whole Clan!"

Heathertail scoffed.

"Oh, _sure, _you wouldn't! You're wearing a campaign button that says 'Vote for Blackclaw! He infected WindClan with the H1N1 Virus!'!"

Blackclaw ripped off the campaign button.

"No, I'm not."

Heathertail frowned. Then she turned back to face the rest of the Senate.

"See what I mean?"

The Senate saw what she meant.

"But I don't wanna do anything about it," Chancellor Blackstar said, shrugging off the matter.

The rest of the Senate, however, agreed with Heathertail. They began to protest, but Blackstar flicked his tail.

"QUIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" he yowled.

A silence fell over the RiverClan camp.

"We can't do anything about it, so we're not going to, and that's final," he declared. "But... Blackclaw, you're on probation."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Blackclaw asked.

"You're on probation. _Duh._"

Everyone was looking with blank stares at the Chancellor.

"Which means that you won't get any representation until I think you're sorry."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Blackclaw wailed. And he ran off into the undergrowth to sob like a tiny she-kit, just like Tornear had.

* * *

The end of the period of the first movie was approaching. Fate was working overtime, and the Random Raccoon was too. And if one thought the attack on WindClan with the H1N1 virus was bad, he or she definitely did not know what was to come.

* * *

**I hope the wait was worth it! I have TWO announcements for you! (Announcements, announcements, annouuuncements! Hey! -- My church youth group does that little chant during the announcements.) **

**1) I have posted a new story! It's a Warriors story, so if you are reading this, then you might like it. It's serious (aww...), and it's called "A Star to Light the Path." It's about RiverClan.**

**2) Please suggest kit names for Luke and Leia! I will have them in this story and the sequel, so I'm going to need names for them. **

**Thanks for reading! Review, review, review!**


	7. The First Ending

**Hey, party peoples! Sorry for the wait. Thanks to Falconflight, Hawkfire360, thundercat29r, Graysky/Hollyleaf, pierulestheworld, Syal Skywalker, Unsharpened, Moonstream-Sunstripe, Gingerisawesome, and XxRandom NemesisxX for reviewing! [hands cookies] Wow, that's a lot! Thanks! I will have to start paying my cookie-baker more before he goes on strike. Now, Berrynose will say the disclaimer before I charge him with my cookie expenses.  
Berrynose: Katie Ladmoore does not own Warriors, Star Wars, or any of the songs she mentions. She also does NOT recommend some of the songs she mentions. If you go through physcological trauma because you listened to a song she mentioned, Katie Ladmoore is no longer responsible because she warned you.  
Katie: Mwahaha... On with the story/randomness!**

* * *

Berrynose, Thornclaw, Heathertail, Lionblaze, and a bunch of other random cats that no one cared about gathered in a football huddle –even though they didn't know what that was—and devised their plan to help WindClan.

"Okay," Berrynose began, "what we're going to do… is go in there… and _help them_."

Heathertail narrowed her eyes at him.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

Berrynose beamed happily.

"You're welcome!" he said, not realizing that the tabby had just insulted him.

Thornclaw sighed. If he could have, he would have done a face palm right there.

"We don't really need a plan for this. We're going to go in there and deal with the virus. There may be some of Blackclaw's minions waiting for us. If there are, then we will fight them off. Then we can help get rid of the virus with this _Magic Potion!_ that Leafpool gave me," he explained.

"That is _way_ better than Berrynose's plan," said Heathertail. Berrynose looked at her with an expression of shock and pretty much-fake hurt.

The medium-sized group of cats broke out of the football huddle and crept toward WindClan territory while spy music played from the background. When they got into the territory, Thornclaw turned to Lionblaze.

"Stay here," he told the younger warrior. Lionblaze opened his mouth to protest, but he stopped himself. There was no use arguing with Thornclaw, one of the senior warriors.

"Well… I think Heathertail should stay here, too. I don't think one of the Queen's handmaidens should be caught up in all this."

"I have a confession to make!" Heathertail said loudly. "I'm not one of the Queen's handmaidens! _I'm_ Queen Amidala!"

"Le gasp!" all the cats, well, _gasped_. Lionblaze stared at her with a look of astonishment and pure, utter that-was-out-of-the-blue amazement that said, "When the DARK FOREST did this happen?"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Lionblaze demanded.

"Because…" Heathertail didn't want to come up with the real reason why she had lied all that time. "Because I _didn't_! Oh yeah, WHAT NOW?"

All the other cats sighed. There was no use arguing with her about that…

It was just before they got to the WindClan camp when Thornclaw, Berrynose, Heathertail, and all the other cats that were loved by no one heard the noise. It wasn't coughing. It wasn't sneezing. It wasn't dying. It was… music. Loud, blasting music.

"What the Dark Forest?" Berrynose said, not believing his ears. (He believed his tail instead.)

"I guess the only way to find out is go in there and take a look," Heathertail suggested.

So they did, and what they found was WindClan huddled around the center of the clearing, watching something. "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer played loudly in the background.

"Go Onestar! Go Onestar!" the WindClan cats shouted.

In the very center of the camp, Onestar was breakdancing. The song finished, and so did Onestar's breakdancing. He grabbed a microphone from out of nowhere and said, "Thank you! Thank you, everybody! And now… a song selected by our very own deputy, Ashfoot… "Low" by Flo Rida (featuring T-Pain!)!

Harespring, the DJ, switched the track on his mixing board, which had not been there a few seconds ago, according to the rescuers.

The music blared from huge surround-sound speakers that were mounted up in the trees.

"I don't think this was how the rescue mission went in the movie," Berrynose commented.

"What?" yelled Heathertail. "I can't hear you over this music!"

Willowclaw, one of WindClan's warriors, walked up to the group of rescuers cautiously.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, unsheathing her claws.

"We, um, came to rescue you from the swine flu, but apparently you don't need it…" Thornclaw told her.

"Yeah, we don't, so GET OUT!" Willowclaw yowled. Still, none of her Clanmates could hear her over the music. Onestar spotted his warrior yelling at the rescue party and strode over to them.

"What's going on here?" he yelled over the music.

"We came to rescue you from the swine flu, but we're very glad to know that you don't need it," Thornclaw replied very, very loudly.

"That is very considerate," Onestar said. He clearly wasn't acting like himself; usually he would have scoffed at the party and practically banished them from his territory, but today he didn't.

"Now, now, Willowclaw, let's not be so hostile to these kind cats. How would you like to stay with us for our little party?" Onestar's voice had no hint of sarcasm in it.

The ThunderClan (with some of ShadowClan) cats looked at each other.

"Oh, why not? It couldn't kill us to have some fun while we're here," Heathertail pointed out.

Onestar beamed at the acceptance.

"Well, come on, then! Join the party!"

The rescue group joined the party. And it was a fun party. Every group of cats in the clan was able to select a song for everybody else to dance to. The ThunderClan/ShadowClan cats even were able to select a song, too.

The kits requested songs from Barney, which nobody danced to. They mainly just covered their ears with their paws and tried to block out the horrendous sounds of the singing purple dinosaur. The younger apprentices selected "We're All in This Together," by the cast of High School Musical, and nobody else except for the kits danced to that either. Again, they covered their ears at the "singing." The older apprentices, the she-cats, overrode the tom apprentices and chose "Love Story" by Taylor Swift, which all the other cats thought was a huge improvement over the previous two songs, even the other toms. The younger warrior she-cats chose "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry. The younger warrior toms chose "I'm on a Boat" by The Lonely Island, which almost scared off the rest of the clan at its vulgarity. The senior warriors chose the Macarena, the elders chose "Respect" by Aretha Franklin, and Kestreltalon, of course, chose "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. It was on that day that WindClan learned to appreciate Kestreltalon's taste of music. They liked Bon Jovi after all!

The group from the Jedi chose "Everybody Dance Now." Someone, probably Berrynose, suggested that WindClan serve chips and dip, even though he didn't know what that was. Onestar glared at him for a second, and Thornclaw quickly explained to Berrynose that WindClan was kind enough to invite them in the first place, so they should be grateful for whatever WindClan had to offer, even if there were no chips and dip. The groups of cats chose some more songs, and the party continued well into the night.

Meanwhile, while the rest of the rescue party was off partying, Lionblaze waited at the WindClan-ThunderClan border for a very long time.

"Where the Dark Forest are they?" he mused aloud to himself. "They should have been back moons ago! Could it really take this long to fight off a stupid virus?" Poor Lionblaze was very unaware that there was a huge, major, blowout party going on, and he wasn't part of it.

The sun was beginning to set when the rescue party finally realized that they had spent way too much time in WindClan.

"Oh, fox-dung!" Thornclaw exclaimed as he checked his top-of-the-line Rolex watch. "We have to go!"

Onestar nodded understandingly.

"That's fine. WindClan has enjoyed your company!"

"Thank you very much, Onestar, for letting us be a part of the party," Heathertail added.

Onestar nodded again and popped some cheese cubes into his mouth. The ThunderClan cats regarded him oddly, turned tail, and left. When they reached Lionblaze, they realized with a sickening feeling that he had been waiting for them the whole time.

"That sure took you a long time," the golden tom remarked as they padded up to him.

"It was, um, a very big, long, tedious job," Thornclaw muttered.

The other cats nodded in false agreement, excluding Berrynose.

"But we—"he began, about to tell the truth.

"Dude! Shut up!" Heathertail hissed. Berrynose shut up, but he did not know why he was being told to do so. He didn't understand that they were avoiding telling Lionblaze about the party.

Lionblaze shrugged.

"Oh. That must have been hard. Well, let's just get back to camp."

"I agree," said Thornclaw, "before it gets too dark out here."

The random cats, Heathertail, and Lionblaze walked on ahead of Thornclaw and Berrynose.

"Thornclaw, why are we so far behind the rest of them?" Berrynose asked.

"Shhhhhh! I sense something…" Thornclaw said in a mysterious and creepy voice.

A few bushes rustled. Thornclaw and Berrynose pricked their ears. Something was in those bushes, and it wasn't prey…

"FOR PONNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Darth Ratscar screeched as he flung himself out of the bushes.

"Oh, StarClan! Not you again!" Thornclaw exclaimed. He and Berrynose began to engage the scarred Sith in a tooth-and-claw battle. The group up ahead of them was completely unaware of the spat that was now going on behind.

Eventually, Berrynose rammed into a tree, leaving Thornclaw to fight Darth Ratscar all by himself. Before Berrynose even knew it, Darth Ratscar had Thornclaw pinned down. He lowered his head to deliver the final blow, and he did. However, Thornclaw didn't die. Only the part of Thornclaw that was killed was the part of him that was Qui-Gon Jinn. Thornclaw was still alive, but Qui-Gon Jinn wasn't. Thornclaw's being winked at Berrynose, and then it disappeared.

"NO!" Berrynose yelled. Darth Ratscar looked at him. Berrynose shook himself out of his daze from hitting his head on the tree and ran at Darth Ratscar.

"YOU WILL DIE, MEANIE-FACE!"

Darth Ratscar burst out laughing.

"Meanie-face?" he choked as he continued to laugh. Berrynose, however, was not amused, and he hurled himself at the laughing figure of the Sith cat. Ratscar stopped laughing and began to fight the cream-colored warrior once again. He was able to get Berrynose hanging off a ledge that just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Berrynose squirmed under the grip of Ratscar's claws.

"Get off of me!"

"No!"

"Wow, you're really a downer, huh?"

"Yep."

Suddenly, Berrynose—Berrynose!—had an idea. He suddenly got an amazing surge of power and strength, and he _leaped _up from the ledge, prying Darth Ratscar off his paws and pinning him down. Darth Ratscar looked very surprised as Berrynose pinned him down.

"Dude," he said, "you, like, pinned me down!"

Berrynose cackled evilly, which seemed rather the opposite of the two characters. He struck Darth Ratscar's head with his paw fiercely, and Darth Ratscar was no more. Only Ratscar, a normal cat, lived. The shimmering, starry form of Silverstream leaned over to whisper in Ratscar's ear, "May the way of the Jedi light your path." She breathed a small, silver string of stars into his ear. And as quickly as she had come, her appearance flickered, and she was gone.

"Yo, homey, 'sup?" Ratscar, the new Jedi, asked. Apparently his liking for gangsta speak had not died away with Darth Ratscar.

"Um… nothing… um, _homey_," Berrynose replied awkwardly.

"Dude, we gotta go get home 'fore it gets to dark out, yo."

"Um, yeah…"

Ratscar walked with Berrynose all the way to the ThunderClan camp, which was in the process of being renamed, "The Jedi Temple." The two caught up with the other group of cats who had initially gone on the "rescue mission" to WindClan. They noticed that Thornclaw wasn't with them, but they didn't notice that Ratscar, the cat formerly known as Darth Ratscar, had joined their group.

"Where's Master Qui-Gon?" Heathertail asked, worried.

"The mysterious warrior killed him, but I killed the mysterious warrior. Now Ratscar, who used to be the mysterious warrior, is a Jedi," Berrynose explained, too intelligently for real-life.

The rest of the group came to notice Ratscar.

"Hey. Welcome to the Jedi. Yeah," was the chorus of greetings from the group of in-the-first-place Jedi to Ratscar, the new Jedi.

"Yo, homeys!" returned Ratscar, happily fitting in with the "new crowd."

Heathertail still looked confused.

"You killed the character of Darth Ratscar. The cat who was playing that character is still alive and assuming a new role. If the character of Darth Ratscar first killed the character of Qui-Gon Jinn, played by Thornclaw, then regular Thornclaw should still be alive. But where is normal Thornclaw?"

Berrynose didn't know. Of course he didn't know…

"I saw 'regular Thornclaw' wink at me, and then his body shimmered and vanished. It beats me as to where he went."

No one else could figure it out, either, but they all soon found out as they arrived at camp. Sitting in the clearing waiting for them was the normal Thornclaw. He was now to be a Jedi, too, but he was going to be part of the Jedi Council, as he explained to them. After all, Yellowfang originally assigned him to be a Council member. Oddly, a faint shadow of Thornclaw lay in the clearing also. It was right next to the plasma TV, but Cinderheart, who had refused to give it up, was impervious to the fact that the shadow was right next to her as she exercised her leg while she played Wii Fit.

That night, the Jedi held a ceremonial funeral pyre for the shadow that used to be Thornclaw as Qui-Gon Jinn. The Clan pryos, Mousewhisker and Birchfall, lit a funeral pyre for the fallen Jedi. As the flames licked the shadow of Qui-Gon, the now fully green Yoda and Brambleclaw discussed who Darth Ratscar was. Simultaneously, Lionblaze turned to Berrynose.

"What will happen to me now?" he inquired.

"The Council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a Jedi, I promise."

It was a very heartfelt and rather bonding moment for two cats that normally strongly disliked each other. Then, Qui-Gon's shadow officially disintegrated, and everyone felt sad after that. The elders carried the ashes out of the camp and performed the warrior tradition.

The very next day, WindClan invited _everybody_ to a party in their camp. It was really crowded, but it was a full-blown celebration. There was an official ceremony that pronounced the unity of all the Clans. Sith or Jedi, Senate or plebian, they were all one. Foxpaw, marched down the procession line. Yoda had held his warrior ceremony earlier, so now he was Foxclaw. Owlwhisker, a WindClan cat who was assigned to briefly be Boss Nass, marched behind him. Even the people who couldn't stand Foxclaw because of his Gungan accent cheered for him. At the end of the line, Lionblaze, Berrynose, Heathertail, Blackstar, and Onestar stood waiting for him. Onestar was holding a shiny sphere thingy. Snazzy music played in the background. Berrynose and Lionblaze looked at each other. The latter was now officially a Jedi Padawan. Heathertail walked up to meet Owlwhisker and Foxclaw as they neared the end of the path. She turned to receive the shiny sphere thingy from Onestar and handed it to Owlwhisker, who stood up on his back legs and screamed, "PEACE!" Everybody watching cheered, and life was all happy-happy, cheerful, and peaceful again. For now…

* * *

**My longest chapter ever! Yayz 4 me! Did I spell "homeys" right? Announcement time:**

**1) I have a poll on my profile. It's about Twilight, but there's an option for those who don't like it.  
2) Still accepting names for Luke and Leia. I have some excellent suggestions, but you have one more chance to submit suggestions.  
3) New pure Warriors story. It's serious (sorry), but oh well. DEAL WITH IT!  
4) Review, or else Chuck Norris will come and get you. Actually, I take that back; he won't, but OH WELL!**

**Can't you see I feel silly right now? Seriously, review! Or else my cookie-baker will feel unloved.**


	8. Attack of the Weirdos

**Hey, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving! (If you don't live in the United States, then Happy Thanksgiving anyway.) Thanks to Falconflight, Hawkfire360, Syal Skywalker, Unsharpened, thundercat29r, Moonstream-Sunstripe, and XxRandom NemesisxX for reviewing! [hands cookies] Now, Tigerstar, say the disclaimer or I will beat you with this turkey.  
Tigerstar: Katie Ladmoore owns none of this!  
Me: That's the best you can do? [hits over Tigerstar's head with turkey]**

* * *

Heathertail Padmé Amidala had been living in the RiverClan camp for a moon now, and she was officially serving as Senator. Though she somewhat enjoyed living there, she did sometimes miss sleeping out in the open of the WindClan camp. Now, there was about to be a meeting of the Senate debating whether to create an army for the Republic, since many cats hated the way Chancellor Blackstar ran the forest and broke away from the Forest Republic. They were forming droid armies, and many loyal cats thought, "Hey, if they're making an army, why can't we?"

However, that wasn't Heathertail's idea. An army? No way. It would create an unnecessary war. She was heading to the meeting when suddenly the ground went BOOM! and stuff blew up.

Fortunately, no one was hurt. Briefly, Heathertail could see the dark form of Blackclaw slip back into the bushes. Chancellor Blackstar rushed up to her.

"My dear Senator, are you all right?"

Heathertail lashed her tail.

"I'm fine, but I would like to know who's behind this attack."

Blackstar touched his tail to Heathertail's shoulder.

"I think I know who can help you."

He summoned Yoda, Mace Brambleclaw, Cloudtail, and Dustpelt to the RiverClan territories. Since it took a while for them to get there, the Chancellor got impatient.

"WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO GET HERE?" he yowled loudly, literally scaring away all the prey from there to the lake. Finally, the group from ThunderClan territory walked into camp, tired.

"Where have you been?" Blackstar demanded. I expected you an hour ago!"

"Chancellor, we had to cross both our territory and ShadowClan's. We went as fast as we could; from our camp to yours is a long journey," Mace Brambleclaw explained calmly.

The white tom scowled but said nothing.

"To what do we owe the pleasure of being summoned over here, Chancellor?"

"I have been attacked… by Blackclaw and Count Rowanclaw, I think," replied Heathertail, not waiting for the Chancellor to respond. "I want to confirm that they were the ones to make an attempt on my life, and I want to know _why_."

"_I_ know why," Cloudtail muttered to Dustpelt. "She got him on probation after the whole swine flu incident."

Dustpelt choked out a laugh.

"Is something funny, Master Dustpelt?" the Chancellor asked sternly.

"Uh… no… Sorry, sir."

Blackstar looked at the brown tabby dryly.

"Anyways… Master Yoda, may I suggest that the senator be placed under the protection of your graces?"

Crowfeather, who was listening in on the conversation, stepped in.

"Do you really think that's a wise decision under these stressful times?"

"Chancellor, if I may comment, I do not believe--" Heathertail added quickly and angrily. Blackstar cut her off, finishing her sentence.

"The situation is that serious? No, but I do, Senator. I realize all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you, but perhaps someone you're familiar with. An old friend, like… Master Berrynose Kenobi."

"That's possible," Mace said. "He and his apprentice just got back from a border patrol."

"Do it for me, Heathertail. Please? The thought of losing you is unbearable," Chancellor Blackstar pleaded. Heathertail lashed her tail and huffed.

"Fine, I'll accept the Jedi's protection."

Stalking off, she added, "And by the way, Berrynose is _not_ my friend!"

Berrynose and Lionblaze crossed the ShadowClan border onto RiverClan territory. Lionblaze twitched nervously.

"Dude. You're twitching. That's not normal," Berrynose commented, noticing the jerky spasms of his "apprentice."

Lionblaze glared at him.

"Well, maybe I stole Honeyfern's Jolly Ranchers again."

Whitestorm had, in fact, been correct. Honeyfern _loved_ Jolly Ranchers. She guarded the bags of them Sorreltail brought back to camp whenever she went to the StarClan Shop with extreme tenacity. Once, Lionblaze had stolen a candy from her when she was sleeping. It was a wonder she didn't have an alarm system attached to them. Lionblaze ended up liking the hard candies, too, but he didn't share Honeyfern's deep adulation. He kept stealing them occasionally, which put him on sugar high. He twitched a lot, just like he had been doing on the way to RiverClan's camp.

Berrynose shook his head, buying the lie.

"You are becoming just as obsessed with those things just as much as lovely Honeyfern is."

The golden tom groaned.

"I haven't seen her in a moon, Berrynose!"

"What? A _moon_? She lives in your camp! You see her _every day_! And for the record, she's _mine_."

"I'm not talking about Honeyfern. I'm talking about Heathertail."

Berrynose looked embarrassed.

"Oh. Heathertail? You mean that light brown tabby that we used to hang out with a lot?"

Lionblaze ran into a tree on purpose.

"No. Not that Heathertail. The hedgehog that lives in the abandoned Twoleg den and has neon green wings."

Berrynose stopped in awe and wonder.

"So hedgehogs _can_ fly!"

It was no surprise then that Lionblaze ran into yet another tree on purpose.

"Wait…" Berrynose pondered. "When did we ever meet a flying hedgehog named Heathertail? I don't remember her."

Because the two toms had just arrived at the RiverClan camp, the meeting place of the Senate, Lionblaze was able to prevent himself from plunging under the waves of the lake and drowning himself. Foxclaw, who had moved in to the RiverClan camp to serve as Heathertail's representative, greeted them ecstatically.

"Obi? Obi! Mesa so happy to be seeing yousa! Heyo, Ani!"

"Hello, Foxclaw. Or Jar-Jar. Whatever you want to be called…" Berrynose returned.

"Senator Heathertail! Looky, looky! Desa Jedi arriven!"

Heathertail turned around and smiled. She walked over to the two toms that had just entered the camp.

"Thank you for coming here, Master Berrynose. It's great to see you again."

Berrynose had noticed the cheese spread Heathertail had put out for the Jedi. She had brought some cheese back from WindClan. The Senate loved it, but they didn't have as much a fetish with it like WindClan had. Berrynose sampled a cube right as Heathertail spoke to him. He looked at her, his mouth full.

"Yor welcong. 'S great to shee you agn," he said, cheese crumbs falling out of his jaws impolitely.

Blackstar, Heathertail, Foxclaw, and Lionblaze looked at him disgustedly. Looking away from the cream-colored cat, Senator Heathertail's gaze fell upon Lionblaze.

"Is that really you, Anakin? Wow! You look a little different. Your pelt looks _way _cleaner than it did a moon ago. Seriously, a moon ago, it looked _nasty_…"

"Oh. It did? StarClan, that's embarrassing…"

The Senator laughed.

"It wasn't _that_ bad."

Lionblaze heaved a sigh of relief.

"Oh, good."

"Come on; let's go discuss this stupid protection thing."

"Onestar has been informed of this assignment," Blackstar explained, sitting down with Lionblaze, Foxclaw, Berrynose, and Heathertail. "We are very grateful that you could come here."

"It is our pleasure; we'd do anything to keep Senator Heathertail safe," Lionblaze said smoothly.

"It's not security that I want! It's answers!"

"But we're only here for your protection. We're not here to investigate," Berrynose told her.

"Screw what he thinks, we'll find out everything you want to know," blurted Lionblaze.

"We will _not_ do what we are not needed for," hissed Berrynose.

"Yes, we will! No one cares about what you think we need to do!"

"OH, BURN!" shouted Blackstar. The cats stared at him oddly. Blackstar averted his eyes to his paws. "I'm so sorry."

Lionblaze and Berrynose continued to fight.

"Hey, _my apprentice_, I don't need your cheek!"

"I'm pretty sure you don't need my cheek; you already have two! And they've been looking rather chubby lately, mind you."

"Are you so _stupid _that you take that expression literally?"

"I'm not being stupid; I'm being witty! _You_ must be the stupid one for thinking that _I _was stupid for thinking that your expression was literal, which I _didn't_ think, so _you're_ the MAYOR of StupidTown!"

"Oh, no, you didn't!"

"Oh, yes, I did!"

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" Heathertail yowled. "Stop fighting already!"

"I'm very sorry, Senator Heathertail. Just… Berrynose got me so mad; he's so dumb…"

"Hey! Why are you being such a brown-noser? Don't suck up to her!" Berrynose argued.

"Well, it's true! And for the record, my nose _is_ brown! –Ish…"

"YOU GUYS!" shouted Heathertail. "If you won't stop arguing, I'll just get another pair of Jedi to protect me!"

"Sorry," both toms apologized, speaking no more.

"Well, since we've gotten things settled," Heathertail glared at Berrynose and Lionblaze pointedly, "I'm going to go to my nest. Thank you for your time."

Heathertail stood up, the other cats following her lead. She left for the warriors den.

"We should probably guard her nest," Lionblaze suggested. "She will be most vulnerable when she's asleep."

"I agree," said Blackstar. "Watch out for her."

"Yes, sir," Berrynose said.

"That's _YOUR AWESOMENESS_ to you, Master!"

"Yes sir… I mean, Your Awesomeness."

Blackstar smirked and marched off to his den.

* * *

Back in ThunderClan, Poppyfrost strolled through the forest once again. Instead of listening to the joyful chirping of the birds, she was muttering insanely about Darth Kitty, the name for the Darth Vader poser. Suddenly, as before, Darth Kitty leaped out of the bushes.

"Hello, again!" Darth Kitty greeted cheerfully.

"Meh… It's… D... Darth… K… Kitty!" stammered Poppyfrost.

Waving her paw in front Poppyfrost's face, Darth Kitty said, "Take me to your camp, Poppyfrost!"

"I will take you to my camp," Sorreltail's most insane daughter droned. She turned back towards the Jedi camp, walking stiffly. Darth Kitty followed her stealthily, ready to attack.

The ThunderClan camp was peaceful. Brackenfur and Cinderheart were fighting over the Wii again. Yoda and Mace Brambleclaw, who had returned to the camp after summoning Senator Heathertail's security, were arguing over whose lightsaber was more beast. Honeyfern was attacking any cat that came near her Jolly Ranchers. Millie was attacking Graystripe, demanding muffins. Spiderleg was singing "I Gotta Feeling" loudly and badly, annoying any cat who was anywhere close to him. The ShadowClan cats and the other ThunderClan cats were pulling off a Montagues/Capulets thing in the clearing, behind the plasma TV.

"Down with the Capulets!" ShadowClan shouted.

"Down with the Montagues!" ThunderClan yowled.

"YOU GUYS!" Hollyleaf yelled. "You are _not _from _Romeo and Juliet_!"

All the cats stared at her.

"Are you _sure_?"

"Um, yeah, considering that you're all _Jedi_, not Italian families who are feuding!"

"Oh… yeah…" they muttered.

"Now, instead of arguing, GO FOLLOW THE WARRIOR CODE!"

At that very moment, Poppyfrost entered the camp, Darth Kitty following her.

"I WILL TAKE OVER THUNDERCLAN!" Darth Kitty screamed.

"NO YOU WON'T!" the Clan shouted. "WE ARE _JEDI_! WE ARE AWESOME! WE ARE STRONG! WE ARE INVINSIBLE!"

"THIS… IS… _SPARTA_!" yowled Jayfeather, charging Darth Kitty. The rest of the cats followed his lead.

Darth Kitty hadn't expected such spirit from the Jedi. Scared, she turned and ran. Taking over the Jedi wasn't going to go over well…

Blackclaw sneaked up to sleeping Heathertail, being careful not to wake the other Senators, and not to alert the Jedi of what he was trying to do. He leaned over her neck, ready to bite it, when he yelled, "Ha-ha! I'm going to kill you!"

Heathertail woke up quickly, getting onto her feet. Lionblaze ran into the den, Berrynose following him. Lionblaze hissed.

"You were going to kill her!"

Blackclaw looked away, an odd, guilty look distorting his face.

"Hehe… No, I wasn't…"

"You screamed, 'Ha-ha! I'm going to kill you!'!"

"That's not the point."

"Um, yes it is…"

"WOULD YOU STOP PUSHING ME?" Blackclaw screeched, running past Berrynose, who stood there, happily chewing on some cheese.

"Berrynose! You were supposed to stop him!"

"Oh… I was?"

"Yeah! Now you have to go catch him! And eat him! Well, not eat him; that would be bad… But… go catch him!"

Berrynose nodded.

"Got it!"

He began to speed off after the black tom, but then he lurched to a stop.

"I forgot my cheese!" he said, eating the rest of the cheese spread. Still chomping on it, he raced after Blackclaw yet again, not stopping this time. The race was on.

* * *

**Ooh, cliffie! Now review! And read and review my other stories, Loveless? under Star Wars and A Star to Light the Path under Warriors. [beats Tigerstar with turkey]  
Tigerstar: OW! Haven't you tortured me enough?  
Me: Heh. No. But I suppose I can let you off the hook... for now. [beats Palpatine over the head with turkey]**


	9. Race Number Two and Moldy Cheese

**Hey! I'm BAAACK! I'm IMMENSELY sorry for the wait! But never mind that, here's the new chapter! And before I announce reviewers and stuff, I would like to recognize Moonstream-Sunstripe for giving me the name of Darth Kitty. She used it in a review, and it stuck. So, thank you for that, Moonstream-Sunstripe!**

**Thank you: She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Moonstream-Sunstripe, XxRandom NemesisxX, WereCatsRule, Darth Rane, Fenix FireBird, and Jessica/Autumnleaf for reviewing! [hands cookies]  
Now** **Padmé will say the disclamer _very well_ before I get too angry at her for loving Anakin.  
****Padmé: Um, Katie doesn't own Warriors or Star Wars; she just loves to write for them! Nor does she own me, Apples to Apples, or moldy cheese!  
Katie: Hmmm... Not bad. You're safe... for now.**

* * *

Berrynose raced after Blackclaw. He was tired. His paws hurt. He was panting. His muscles ached. But he knew he couldn't stop running. It was his duty not to let Heathertail down. From where he was running, he could tell that Blackclaw was tiring down too. Maybe just a little longer… The cream-colored warrior collapsed. He groaned.

"Owie!" he whined. "I can't get up! I can't get up!"

Lionblaze rushed up to him, fuming.

"Berrynose! What are you doing? You're supposed to be chasing Blackclaw!"

"I was… but it's been so long. We must be almost in ShadowClan territory by now… going the _long_ way!"

"Um… Berrynose?"

"Yeah?"

"You've been running for about twenty fox-lengths."

"I have?"

"Um, yeah."

"Well this is embarrassing."

Lionblaze had been growing impatient. Blackclaw could have turned around to attack Heathertail again! He had to stop the midnight-colored cat before he harmed her!

"I don't know about you, but I'm not going to stand here and keep Heathertail in danger any longer."

Sprinting off with the speed of a thousand arrows, the golden tom followed Blackclaw's scent trail, continuing Berrynose's pursuit.

Berrynose staggered to his paws.

"Hey! Hey! Hey, Lionblaze! Wait up! Wait for me! Come on, Lionblaze, wait up!"

He ran off, still begging his "apprentice" to wait for him, a request that would go unmet.

* * *

Meanwhile, ThunderClan hung around in their camp. It was still in the middle of the night, but Hollyleaf and Jayfeather had other things to do.

"I can _so_ beat you at Apples to Apples," Hollyleaf bragged. "I'm so smartical, I can get a word down for _anything_!"

"Yeah, but I can read your mind… kind of… so I'll know which one you put down, so I won't choose yours!"

"You can't even see the cards!"

Jayfeather stood seething in front of his sister.

"Oh, yeah, I went there," hissed Hollyleaf.

"Is that a _challenge_, Hollyleaf?"

"You bet it is!"

"Bring it!"

"It's on like Donkey Kong!"

Whitewing poked her head out of the warriors den sleepily.

"You guys…"

"I'm very sorry Whitewing waking you up is probably going against the warrior code somewhere I promise I will never do it again," Hollyleaf recited obsequiously.

Whitewing blinked.

"Um… well, what I was trying to say is, don't you need at least _four_ players for Apples to Apples?"

* * *

Lionblaze had chased Blackclaw in circles back to the RiverClan camp, which really stunk since there were about three other black cats like Blackclaw wandering around there. (After the incident with Heathertail's would-be assassination, every cat in RiverClan was awake, and they couldn't get back to sleep because Blackclaw's yowling had interrupted their REM cycles.) Even worse, Lionblaze wasn't very familiar with the other scents, and Blackclaw was mingling around with the other cats so much his scent trail was hard to follow. Berrynose finally caught up to Lionblaze.

"Thank you for waiting!"

"He's wandering around here somewhere, Master!"

"Um, okay. Good for him. Wait… who are we looking for again?"

Lionblaze groaned.

"Blackclaw! He tried to kill Heathertail, remember?"

"Oh, yeah…"

A paw tapped Lionblaze on a broad shoulder. The golden cat turned around.

"Yeah?"

The cat that had tapped Lionblaze was Blackclaw.

"Well, hi!"

"OH MY STARCLAN! IT'S BLACKCLAW! I MUST _CATCH HIM_!" screamed Lionblaze. He pounced on the older cat. Berrynose followed suit, and the fighting power of the two ThunderClan/Jedi cats was too much for the psychotic assassin-cat. As the only defense he had, Blackclaw went limp. Lionblaze, unlike Berrynose, wasn't an idiot.

"I'm not falling for that. Seriously, dude, that's the first trick every apprentice learns."

"Darn it," Blackclaw muttered.

Berrynose looked around gleefully.

"We caught him!"

Lionblaze turned his head to look at the cream-colored cat, without slackening his grip on his captive.

"More like _I _caught him, but okay…"

"You're right! _I did_ catch him! Yay me!"

Berrynose jumped up and down and clapped.

"Um, Berrynose?"

The cat paused. "Yeah?"

"I meant that _I_, _Lionblaze_, caught him. Not you. You did squat."

Berrynose's eyes filled with wetness. He sobbed heartbrokenly.

"What. An. Idiot," Blackclaw stated. "It must be hard for you, having such a mouse-brain for a mentor."

Lionblaze snorted. "You have no idea."

Meanwhile, Blackstar had come over to where Lionblaze had captured Heathertail's would-be assassin.

"Great job, Lionblaze."

"Thank you, Blackstar."

"You'd be very good at being evil, you know that, right?"

"Um, sure, but I'd rather do good things for the forest, not ruin it."

Blackstar furrowed his eyebrows, if he even had any. So turning Lionblaze to the Dark Side wasn't going to be as easy as he had thought… Whoops! He had thought too much. No cat could ever know just when there were Goth little mind-reading cats wandering around (cough, Jayfeather, cough).

"Well, yes. You're very right. Just checking."

Lionblaze flicked his ears.

"Anyways, I have him. Now what do we do with him?"

"Hmm… I don't know. Hey! Let's make up a cool punishment for him that will embarrass him so much he'll be a red cat permanently!"

"There's no need for that," Heathertail disagreed, walking up to the talking cats and her arch nemesis. "Yes, he _does_ need to be punished; he _did_ try to kill me. But, he doesn't need to be embarrassed. Didn't one of the rules we passed a few sunrises ago say that no cat could suffer a cruel slash unusual punishment?"

Blackstar pondered it.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess we did. But we're important! The rules don't have to apply to us!"

Heathertail eyed the Chancellor sternly.

"If we are the ones making them, then we must be the ones to follow them the best and most."

Chancellor Blackstar pouted.

"That's not fair."

"Yeah, well, _life isn't fair!_ Deal with it!"

The white cat with one black paw stomped back to his den.

"She never lets me have any fun anymore!"

Heathertail rolled her deep blue eyes.

"Sorry about that. I have to keep reminding him to follow his own rules. Oh well. But… thank you so much, Lionblaze, for catching Blackclaw. You're awesome for that."

"No… no… no… it was no problem at _all_…" drooled Lionblaze, staring at the light tabby with a moony look in his eyes.

Heathertail laughed quietly.

"You're so funny. Well, let's find something to do with _him_."

She jerked her head to Blackclaw, who had stopped struggling and was just waiting for something to happen, bored.

Lionblaze grabbed Blackclaw by the scruff and let him up.

"Come on, then. Let's go find something to do with you."

While the chase had been going on, Crowfeather and Breezepelt had some father-son bonding time and built a one-cell jail reserved especially for Blackclaw. Of course, Crowfeather had almost tossed his son in the cell because he was annoyed with him, but he didn't because Blackclaw practically had his name on it. Breezepelt, on the other side of the story, had almost clawed his father's fur off and used his pelt to line the jail, but he didn't because then Blackclaw would be too comfortable, and then Heathertail wouldn't love Breezepelt because he had given her enemy comfort. In many ways, Breezepelt was a lot like Berrynose; they were both mouse-brains, though the latter more frequently than the former, and Breezepelt _did_ have _some _common sense.

Blackclaw was placed in the jail, and then Blackstar invited all of RiverClan to laugh at him.

"LAUGH! LAUGH! LAUGH! LAUGH!" RiverClan… laughed. Blackclaw glared at them murderously.

"You will regret this! I promise you! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

Lionblaze snorted.

"Yeah, right. You're in a box in the middle of the RiverClan camp! What could you possibly do?"

Blackclaw's eyes stared deeply into the ones of the golden tom in front of him.

"You underestimate me." He turned to face Heathertail. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little boyfriend, too!"

With this, Blackclaw pivoted on his heel and sat in the corner. The Senate stared at Heathertail and murmured amongst themselves.

"Lionblaze is her boyfriend?"

"Lucky her!"

"Since when?"

"They haven't seen each other in _forever_, though!"

"Darn it, he's _hot!"_

No one apparently noticed the threat Blackclaw had given the light brown tabby. Lionblaze inched a little closer to Heathertail, and she cuffed him around an ear.

"You're _not_ my boyfriend."

"Fox dung!"

The she-cats ogling over Lionblaze stopped being disappointed.

"Wait… you're not… her boyfriend?"

"No."

"HE'S SINGLE! YAY!"

The mob of she-cats swarmed the golden tom. Heathertail's ears twitched with jealously. Then she snapped back into reality. She couldn't be in love with Lionblaze! He was a Jedi, plus they were in different Clans!

Lionblaze squirmed his way out of the mob, shaking his head. His fur was ruffled from all the she-cats rubbing against him.

"She-cats!"

The swarm was still watching him admiringly, but the odd, awkward mood ended quickly as Blackstar grimly walked up to Heathertail, Lionblaze, and Berrynose.

"I believe we need to talk, you three."

* * *

Heathertail was bristling.

"How could it have happened?"

Blackstar flicked his tail.

"I don't know. You and Lionblaze were talking, the entire population of young RiverClan she-cats were too busy staring at Lionblaze, the toms went off to play late-night flag football, I was summoning the Jedi to inform them of Blackclaw's assassination attempt, and Berrynose was… well, I frankly don't know what he was doing."

Berrynose looked up from scarfing down cheese he found, not realizing the cubes were fuzzy and green.

"Me? I was finding this cheese! It tastes _really good_!"

Heathertail looked disgusted.

"But Crowfeather and Breezepelt built the jail themselves! How could Blackclaw have escaped from it so quickly and easily? No cat can track his scent, either! Where could he have gone?"

Blackstar thought.

"Well, Crowfeather and Breezepelt were too busy trying to murder each other to do a really _good_ job. Blackclaw could easily have found a gap wide enough for him to squeeze through. As for his scent, he must have a way to disguise it. Either that, or he's a magician."

"A magician? What's that?"

"I have no idea! But I know for certain that Blackclaw is in hiding. So you're going to have to go into hiding as well."

"_WHAT_?"

"I'm sorry, Heathertail, but it's the only way to keep you safe from Blackclaw, apparently. Lionblaze can go with you. He's the best fighter in the forest. I'm sure he can fight off Blackclaw single-pawed."

"But I can grin and bear it! I don't have to run away and cower under another cat every time Blackclaw tries to hurt me!"

Blackstar became frustrated with the inexorable cat.

"WELL TOO BAD, OKAY? WE DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT IN THIS WORLD! IF WE DID, THEN I WOULD HAVE ALREADY _RULED THE FOREST!... _I mean, greatly reformed the forest for the better…"

"Fine! Where shall I go, then?" Heathertail hissed.

"Outside of WindClan territory. Crowfeather can tell you of a _great_ place to run away from all your Clan's prejudices, problems, and rules! It's a great romantic getaway, too!"

Lionblaze looked embarrassedly down at his paws. Heathertail glanced shortly at him without realizing what she was thinking. She stopped herself.

_You do _not_ love him, Heathertail! Stop thinking so admiringly of him!_

"I would be honored to protect Senator Heathertail Amidala," Lionblaze Skywalker announced.

Blackstar smiled.

"Good! Thank you very much! You two can leave tomorrow at dusk. I'll let the Jedi Council know what's going on immediately."

Lionblaze and Heathertail dipped their heads politely.

"Thank you, Chancellor."

Berrynose looked up again, his face contorted strangely.

"I can't feel my tongue!"

* * *

**Yay! This chapter's done! Please review, as I appreciate them... a lot! Just a reminder, constructive criticism is openly and gratefully taken, and all flames will be used to attempt to burn Edward Cullen. Also, I made an email just for FanFictions. It's . I enabled "Display Email," so it's on my profile. This way, you can email me without knowing my personal email. Thanks SO MUCH for reading, and I hope the wait didn't keep you from reading this story!**


	10. Irony Lol

**Hey there! Tenth chapter! YAY! And 65 reviews! Wow. Thanks for reviewing: WereCatsRule, Darth Rane, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Hawkfire360, and Syal Skywalker!  
She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name: You can still donate random fire to help me burn Edward!  
Syal Skywalker: Thank you for your donation, and thank you again for reviewing!**

**Hey guess what? I own ALL of this! Ha. Not.**

* * *

Heathertail and Lionblaze bid goodbye to all of RiverClan, excluding Blackclaw, of course. Mistyfoot had grown quite close to Heathertail over the past moon, and she was the closest thing Heathertail had to a pure friend in RiverClan.

"Take care, Heathertail," Mistyfoot said. Her voice shook.

"I'll be all right. Please don't worry about me."

In contrast, Berrynose and Lionblaze weren't exchanging such a bittersweet goodbye.

"Goodbye, Berrynose! I'm so glad I won't have to put up with you for a while!"

"_I'm_ so glad that _I_ won't have to put up with _you_ for a while!"

Both toms purred happily. Nightcloud was obsessed with being overly kind to Heathertail; maybe Heathertail wouldn't see Breezepelt as such a loser if his mother was acting creeper-ish!

"Heathertail, I know you're going to be gone for a while, so I have a list of things for you to bring with you! Well, let's see: Here are some crayons, in case you get bored; and here's a key… I don't know what it's for, but it might be useful; and some play-dough; oh, and here's some _angry_ eyes!"

Nightcloud pushed the crayons, plastic key, play-dough, and the angry eyes she had found in Breezepelt's Mr. Potato Head set to Heathertail.

"Oh, and I almost forgot! Here's a set of teeth. Be careful, they chatter!"

The set of teeth were Stonestream the elder's dentures. Heathertail stared at the small pile of random things Nightcloud had given her.

"Um… wow, Nightcloud. I really don't know what to say…"

"Oh, just 'thank you' will suffice!"

"Well, then, thank you, Nightcloud, for your… _special_ gifts."

"Are you ready?" Lionblaze asked, still jubilant from the knowledge of being away from Berrynose for however long.

Heathertail nodded.

"Yes, we just need to carry these gifts from Nightcloud."

Lionblaze picked up half of the odd objects, and Heathertail picked up the rest.

"Goodbye, everyone!" Heathertail said. The goodbye was muffled, but comprehensible.

She and Lionblaze then embarked on the weirdest and most eventful journey of their lives. The last cat Lionblaze heard as they left the RiverClan camp was Breezepelt.

"Mom! Where are my Mr. Potato Head's angry eyes?"

Once the two cats were out of eyesight and earshot of the Senate, Heathertail dropped the things she was carrying.

"Okay, the first thing we're doing on this journey is losing this… stuff."

Lionblaze set down what he was carrying as well.

"I agree." He paused. A look of disgust spread across his face. He swiped his tongue over his teeth. "Aw! This play-dough isn't the edible kind!"

Heathertail became impatient quickly.

"Come on! We need to get going if we want to get there before dark!"

Lionblaze nodded.

"All right."

The two began to walk a little bit more.

"So," the tom said, "how did you end up being a Senator? Didn't you like being Queen?"

"Well, as the Queen of Naboo, I could only serve for so long. Yes, the people did want me to stay longer, but I was kind of… tired of it. It was such a huge responsibility, you know? At times, I really couldn't handle it."

"Isn't being Senator the same, though?"

"Kind of, but it's almost… less lonely. In the Senate, you get other Senators to back you up. True, I had advisors as Queen, but in the Senate, you can have almost anybody… We must be here!"

Lionblaze and Heathertail approached a rocky clearing. There was a small stream running nearby, and the scent of prey flooded into the two cats' nostrils.

"Oh! Prey! I'm starving!" Heathertail exclaimed, picking up a scent trail and dashing as fast as she could after it. Lionblaze stared after her.

Heathertail came back soon with a rabbit clenched between her jaws.

"I caught a rabbit," she said. "Would you like to share it with me?"

"Sure."

Lionblaze and Heathertail crouched down to eat the rabbit. It had a warm, juicy taste.

"How long did it take you to learn how to catch rabbits?"

"Not that long. But I did have to start out with the older ones. I guess it would the same for you with forest prey?"

Lionblaze nodded.

"You're right."

He paused.

"Can I ask you a question? Have you ever been in love?"

Heathertail looked up from eating the rabbit, alarmed.

"What? I… I don't think I'm at liberty to answer that!"

"I'll tell you if you tell me."

"Wait… aren't Jedi not supposed to fall in love?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that we don't."

Heathertail breathed slowly.

"Well… yes. I have."

"Currently?"

"I… I'm not sure right now."

"I feel the same way."

"Why are you asking all this?"

Lionblaze shook his head.

"I don't know. It just… seems… right?"

He leaned forward and pressed his muzzle to Heathertail's flank. Heathertail pressed against him, but then she stopped rigidly. She took a step back.

"No! Lionblaze, I shouldn't have done that!"

Lionblaze was very, _very_ embarrassed.

"Sorry."

Heathertail looked back at the rabbit.

"Are you done eating?"

Lionblaze hadn't been done, but he had just lost his appetite.

"I'm fine."

Heathertail turned away, picked up the carcass, and went off to bury it. Meanwhile, Lionblaze was scolding himself.

_Mouse brain!_

* * *

In ThunderClan, much to Brackenfur's dismay, the TV had been moved temporarily. Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, Whitewing, and Birchfall had moved it, and in its place they had set up a table for their ultimate Apples to Apples tournament. Most unfortunately (for Brackenfur, at least), the tournament would last the entire day. Mace Brambleclaw would be the judge and announcer.

The dark tabby tom stood on the High Ledge, preparing to cover the entire tournament.

"All right, everybody," he began, "the fun is about to start! Please welcome: Jayfeather!"

Jayfeather jogged out of some shadows, wearing a black, Muhammad Ali-like boxing robe. He jogged in place and pumped his fist while the Jedi chanted his name.

Brambleclaw continued, "Hollyleaf!"

Hollyleaf came out of other shadows, donning a light green boxing robe. The Jedi chanted her name as well, but possibly not quite as enthusiastically as they had for Jayfeather.

"Whitewing!"

Whitewing walked forward, only somewhat excitedly; she wore a pink boxing robe. The rest of the cats in the hollow cheered for her.

"Aaaand… Birchfall!"

Birchfall wasn't wearing a boxing robe, and he blandly dragged himself to the table. Politely, the Jedi clapped.

"Now, let's go over the rules of winning! First player to get eight cards wins!"

Jayfeather and Hollyleaf were seated at the table with the most pensive looks on their faces; Whitewing and Birchfall looked bored. And then the game began.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the middle of nowhere, Lionblaze and Heathertail weren't feeling awkward at all for two cats who were supposed to be "just friends," but one of them wanted to profess his undying love for the other! Instead, they walked around in the grass and hunted prey together.

"So… you and Breezepelt…" Lionblaze started.

Heathertail scoffed.

"Ugh. He's a moron."

"And his mom…"

"I know!" Heathertail laughed. "I think that she thinks I'll love her son if she kisses up to me!"

"Would it work?"

"No." She paused. "But if Breezepelt stopped acting like a mouse brain and became a little kinder, I might like him then."

Lionblaze scowled.

Heathertail continued, "He's not a shabby-looking cat. He has such thick fur and lovely amber eyes…"

"Okay, I get it," Lionblaze growled. "Wait… _I_ have amber eyes, too!"

"You do," acknowledged the light brown tabby. "And I find _your _eyes very lovely, too."

Lionblaze tripped over nothing and fell on his face. Heathertail burst out laughing.

"Smooth move there, Grace!"

Lionblaze playfully cuffed his old friend around the ear after he stood again.

"Hey!"

Heathertail shrugged.

"Well…"

Desperate to change the subject, Lionblaze said, "I don't get the Senate."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't get how it works. Well, I know how it works, but personally, the system doesn't really get much done, does it?"

"Well, how should we do it, then?"

"Discuss the problem, agree on a solution, and then actually go out and enact it!"

"Lionblaze, that's what we do. Just some cats—like Blackclaw, for example—don't cooperate, and we can't really agree. That hinders us from enacting what we do. But we try our best."

"Um, yeah, okay."

Heathertail paused.

"You're teasing me!"

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you are, you cheeky little tom!"

Heathertail pounced teasingly on the golden cat and pinned him down.

"Pinned ya."

"I wasn't ready!"

Lionblaze fought to get to his paws, and he and Heathertail began to play-fight around the field. Heathertail was victorious again.

"Pinned ya again."

Lionblaze hissed jokingly.

"Good for you, then. Now let me up."

Heathertail let him up, and they both collapsed to the ground, purring with laughter.

* * *

In the ShadowClan camp, Darth Toadfoot ran around the perimeter of the camp while Count/Darth Rowanclaw hovered over him with a megaphone.

"Come on! Faster! Run like you mean it!"

Beads of sweat rolled down Toadfoot's pelt, even though cats can't sweat.

Rowanclaw screamed into his megaphone, "FASTER, YOU LAZY LUMP!"

The lazy lump, however, did not speed up, and in fact stopped running altogether.

"I… can't! Too… much… Have… to try… something… else…" he panted.

"Front and center, then! Now, I want two hundred push-ups!"

Toadfoot stared.

"What…?"

"You heard me! Push-ups! Go!"

Toadfoot groaned.

_Why can't Blackstar be here right now? WHY OH WHY DOES THE SENATE HAVE TO BE SO UNSTABLE?_

And then, as if he had heard Toadfoot's mental plea, Blackstar appeared in the center of camp randomly.

"Now, now, Count Rowanclaw," he said. "Don't try to strain poor Darth Toadfoot. He's not even a Sith; he's just a weird general with _really_ bad asthma!"

Darth Toadfoot coughed.

"Anyways," Blackstar continued, "I am finding that my plan for world domination is working. Blackclaw was able to chase off Heathertail, and she won't be able to help falling head over paws for Lionblaze. Once they become mates, I will send Lionblaze a dream, a dream so helpless and dark he won't even have to think twice about joining us!"

The two other cats did a victory lap around the camp, even though Darth Toadfoot was immensely exhausted from his workout with Rowanclaw that had lasted since sunrise. It was now sunhigh. Instead of running like an idiot around camp, Blackstar laughed evilly very, _very_ loudly.

(The Middle of Nowhere)

Heathertail and Lionblaze were dragging a mouse back to their fancy makeshift camp when they heard an evil laugh sounding from the lake. They paused.

"It sounds like Blackstar," Heathertail commented dubiously. Then both cats shook their heads.

"Nah… Couldn't be."

* * *

**:D So how do you like it? Meh, a little too much LionxHeather fluff. Oh well. Announcement Time!**

**1. My best friend, Daydreamer897, has a Warriors story that doesn't get many hits and reviews, but it's REALLY good. It's called "Life As We Knew It." PLEASE check it out!  
****2. Vote on my poll before I post the next chapter to help me decide who wins the Apples to Apples tournament!  
3. REVIEW! **

**~Katie~**


	11. Fluff and Other Stuff

**Finally, I am updating again! Thanks to WereCatsRule, Smokeberry, Hawkwing360, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, crazy4asajj, and XxRandom NemesisxX for reviewing! [gives cookies]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Coca-Cola, Monster, Star Wars, Warriors, Apples to Apples, healthcare bills, The Wizard of Oz, Bon Jovi's _You Give Love a Bad Name_, the Muffin Man, Wii, Wii Fit and the balance board, Wii Sports Resort, Jolly Ranchers, or Maroon 5's _This Love_. (aka best song ever) But I will not inflict my musical taste on you. On with the story!**

* * *

It was barely sunrise. The many cats watching kept nipping themselves to keep them from falling asleep. Coca-Cola and Monster cans were strewn across the ground. However, the four cats sitting at the table in the center of camp were not as fazed or tired. Well, two of them weren't, at least. Whitewing looked like she was trying hard not to fall asleep; she was just struggling to stay awake for the sake of the tournament. Birchfall had fallen asleep an hour before; his face was buried in a bowl of popcorn, and a paw was stuck in some sticky, spilled Monster.

It was to be the winning question, and the tournament was down to Hollyleaf and Jayfeather. They had the same amount of cards, seven, only one short of winning. It was Whitewing's turn to judge. She drew and read her green apple card.

"Goody-Goody."

Hollyleaf scanned her cards. _Goody-Goody…_ If only the Warrior Code was a card! Or maybe if she had her own card! That would be her sure-fire way to win! But then, she found one that was close enough…

Jayfeather used his creepy yet awesome powers to see the images of the words on the cards in his head. _Goody-Goody.._. Hmm, he had "The Beach," "A School Bus," "A Tree House," "Apple pie," "the Australian Outback," "Zucchini," and "Richard Nixon." In other words, all his cards made no sense. He knew Whitewing would never pick Zucchini, a School Bus, a Tree House, and the Australian Outback. The Beach and Apple Pie might work. Fox dung! Now Jayfeather wanted apple pie! Well… if he won, he would have some as a victory treat… Looking back to his cards, he took one of them with his teeth and set it down. Being blind, he had no idea what it was. He didn't want to know that card that would make him lose.

Hollyleaf slapped down a card as well, grinning. Whitewing pushed one of Birchfall's cards into the pile, and then she turned the three cards in the pile over.

"Assembly Lines, My Personality, and Richard Nixon," she read. Her voice sounded bored. She _was_ bored.

Jayfeather lapped up the last sip from his bottle of Monster. He tried to stare Whitewing down.

"Jayfeather? Jayfeather? Why are you staring angrily at that tree over there?"

Jayfeather turned his head to the sound of Whitewing's voice.

"Sorry," he grumbled.

Whitewing sighed, shook her head, and looked back down at the Red Apple cards.

"The Assembly Lines card is out."

"Richard Nixon should be thrown out. That just does not make sense at all. I have no idea who he is," Hollyleaf pressed, trying desperately to win.

"He was an American president. Judging by what the card says, he doesn't sound very Goody-Goody to me," Whitewing read. Then she made her decision.

"My Personality fits very well."

Hollyleaf straightened proudly.

"However, I like the sense of irony for Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon wins."

"YES!" yowled Jayfeather jubilantly. He added the Green Apple card to his pile.

"And the winner is… Jayfeather!" Mace Brambleclaw announced.

Then time seemed to slow down. Hollyleaf put her head down on the table in despair as Jayfeather leaped into the air while "We Are the Champions" played in the background.

"VICTORY!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back in RiverClan territory, the Senate was in intense debate.

"This healthcare bill does away with free will!" Mistyfoot protested. "If our cats don't want health insurance, they shouldn't have to have it!"

"But imagine a forest where all cats will be able to have health insurance! Cats won't have to worry about paying the medicine cats the entire fees because the insurance will pay for most of it!" Reedwhisker disagreed.

"What if they can't afford it?" challenged Mistyfoot.

"Then I motion that we add an item to this bill: cats may receive financial assistance if they cannot pay insurance fees."

"How are we going to get the money for that? Ever since we passed Senate Bill 004B, where medicine cats must be paid for their services, we've been put into an economic crisis!"

"I object!" Mothwing… er, objected. "The economic crisis started after we passed Senate Bill 003G, where we agreed to import oil from rouges!"

"Yes!" Reedwhisker agreed. "After a while, all those rouges started price gouging and jacking up their prices!"

Mistyfoot paused.

"Why do I get the feeling that by passing all these bills, we've made things worse?"

Berrynose, who was sitting in on the session, commented, "I'm hungry!"

Chancellor Blackstar glared at him, but then he softened his gaze.

"Nightcloud!" he called sharply. "Get Master Kenobi some fish!"

"Sir yes sir!" Nightcloud replied, saluting and running off to the river.

Chancellor Blackstar rolled his eyes once the she-cat was gone, and then he let the debates continue. He loved politics.

* * *

Heathertail could smell the rabbit coming. Its scent, fresh and warm, flooded into her nostrils. Her mouth watered. She licked her lips as her paws flexed, ready to chase after it. She bolted, and the creature immediately perked up its long ears in alarm. It began to hop off quickly, but Heathertail was too quick and too close. She pounced and finished the animal off. Her tail fluffed out and up in pride, she picked it up by the limp scruff of its neck and brought it back to the small encampment.

"I brought dinner!" she called to Lionblaze, who was sitting in a corner, mulling over how much of an idiot he was for making his affections for the she-cat known. However, as any near-teenaged male, he was jolted out of his trance by the word, "dinner."

"You're back soon!"

"It wasn't too hard of a kill. I think this guy was starting to get a little old."

"You're just being modest."

Lionblaze's playful banter was starting to annoy Heathertail.

"You going to eat your share or what?" she inquired sharply, bending down to take a bite. But before she could reach the prey, Lionblaze dragged it swiftly out of her way. A playful light flickered in his eyes.

"Of course! Ha… Berrynose would _kill_ me if he saw me doing this!"

"And he'll do just that when I tell him that you stole it! Give it back!"

Lionblaze set the rabbit down again.

"I was just teasing you."

Heathertail rolled her eyes.

"You know, I could get you arrested for that."

Lionblaze's neck snapped up in panic.

"You wouldn't!"

Heathertail raised her head again, this time more slyly.

"Bazinga."

* * *

Mace Brambleclaw headed over to the warriors den, looking for his former apprentice. Where was Berrynose? As he had thought, the demented, cream-colored warrior was passed out sleeping in his nest. Apparently, the excitement and late-night drama of the Apples to Apples tournament had proved to be too much for Berrynose. Green splotches, indubitably from spilled lime-flavored Monster, covered the cat. Brambleclaw prodded Kenobi with his paw.

"Berrynose! Wake up already!"

Berrynose blinked sleepily.

"No, Mom, I don't know where my blankie is," he muttered.

The tabby tom's tail twitched with confusion and a tad of annoyance.

"Berrynose, I have an assignment for you."

The cream cat blinked again.

"Does it involve flying monkeys?"

"What? No!"

"I accept. What is it?"

"I need you to… The Council needs you to find out where Blackclaw is."

"M-kay. Can I finish my nap first?"

Brambleclaw sighed, trying to make a decision.

"Fine…" he mumbled, turning around and walking away.

* * *

Lionblaze stared at Heathertail. Heathertail stared back.

"Why are we staring at each other?" Heathertail asked, flicking her ears.

Lionblaze shrugged.

"Beats me."

Eventually, his love for Heathertail took over once again.

"Heathertail, I love you."

Heathertail blinked.

"That was random."

"No, really! I do! I love you!"

_Not this again_… Heathertail thought.

"Gee… Lionblaze… Listen… I really like you, but…"

"Oh, great," sighed Lionblaze. "Here comes The Talk."

"I really like you, but we could NEVER be together. First of all, I'm WindClan, you're ThunderClan. It's against the Warrior Code."

"Aw, now you're sounding like my sister!"

Heathertail ignored the poor, golden tom in front of her.

"And second of all, you're a Jedi. Loving me is _forbidden_ for you!"

"Oh, come on! It's not like I'm going to foresee that you die giving birth to my kits, so I join the Sith to stop it from happening and bring about the demise of the entire Jedi Order!"

"And I'm a Senator now! That's most important to me now. I can't be distracted by you."

Lionblaze was hurt. Badly.

_Shot through the heart, and you're to blame/You give love a bad name_, he sang mentally.

"Did you ever love me?"

"I…"

"Just tell me the truth!"

"I…" If cats could cry, tears would have been fogging up the she-cat's heather-blue eyes. "I don't know."

Lionblaze nodded.

"I understand. You make some good points. I'm going to… go to sleep now…"

He turned away and moved his nest farther away from Heathertail. Once he was out of earshot, Heathertail murmured into the wind, "I _do _know. And I always have loved you…"

* * *

Berrynose Kenobi finally woke up from his nap. It had taken him a while to get back to sleep. He had such a funny dream… Lionblaze was confessing to Heathertail his undying love for her. But that would never happen. No way. Then he remembered: he had a quest! He had to find Blackclaw!

The cat stretched; it wasn't sunset yet. Berrynose figured it would be the best time to go if he had to do it soon. Surprisingly, a very wise choice, Berrynose.

"I'm leaving!" he announced.

From the ThunderClan cats came choruses of "good luck!" From ShadowClan came mumbles of, "I don't care."

Berrynose walked proudly out of the camp. At the top of the ravine, he paused.

"Wait… how exactly am I going to do this?"

Interestingly, he didn't need to think long to get the answer. He'd seen enough mystery movies… Well, does Scooby Doo count?

"I need to retrace his steps!" he declared. "To RiverClan!"

Nothing eventful happened on his hike to RiverClan. He found Blackclaw's stale scent almost immediately. He followed it, and what he saw at the end of the trail made him immediately know that he would have his work cut out for him.

* * *

"_Millie… Millie… Come here… I have presents…_" the voice in the dream called. Millie twitched and mumbled something about Christmas.

"_Millie… I have… Muffins,"_ the voice called again.

Mille woke up, springing to her feet in an instant.

"Muffins…" she groaned. In her dream, she knew where the muffins were. To the lake!

Millie traveled to the lake, smelling Berrynose's scent from a few hours ago along the way. And what she saw at the lake was a beautiful sight.

The Muffin Man had returned to her.

* * *

Cinderheart finally got her turn on the Wii. Her father had allowed her thirty minutes! She tore her Wii Fit game from its packaging. Beautiful.

"Yes…" she hissed happily.

She popped the disc into the console. As it loaded, she put together the balance board. She put in the batteries and attached the extra feet. Then it was time to register. She did so. Like she had for Wii Sports, Bluestar had also reconfigured Wii Fit to suit cats. So the height and weight measures were a little different. And then she began to play.

It was only so long before her time was up.

"Time to get off, Cinderheart," Brackenfur commanded.

Cinderheart paused the game she was playing.

"Two more minutes! I _need_ to finish this step-dancing!"

"No."

"Aw, come on, Dad!"

"No!"

"But I've only been playing for five minutes!"

"Well you had _thirty_ to play."

"The others included set-up! That doesn't count!"

"Yes it does."

"Uh-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Cinderheart! Listen to your father!" Sorreltail called, returning from the StarClan Shop once again. "Bracky, I brought you another game! Wii Sports Resort!"

"Thank you!" Brackenfur said softly. Then, hardening his gaze, he returned to his daughter.

"Off. _Now_."

"You never give me what I want!" Cinderheart cried, stomping away to her nest once again.

Sorreltail brought Honeyfern some more Jolly Ranchers, this time a huge bagful. She also bought Poppyfrost another Darth Vader bobblehead. Poppyfrost ran away from it, screaming. As usual. For Cinderheart, Sorreltail bought toothpaste. And not even the minty kind.

* * *

Lionblaze sang in his sleep. He didn't know it, but everyone else around him did. And the fact that he wasn't the best singer in the forest didn't help either.

_"This love has taken its toll on me/she said goodbye too many times before/And her heart is breaking in front of me/And I have no choice/Cause I won't say goodbye anymore/Woah-oh.."_

Ten feet away, Heathertail clutched her paws to her ears, trying to block out the sound. How could Lionblaze butcher such an amazing song?

* * *

Although the course of the Star Wars movies were progressing nicely, there was something missing. Something didn't seem right. It seemed that a very important part of the movie didn't exist within the Clans. And so it became Bluestar's self-proclaimed duty to make it right.

* * *

**Ah, more fluff. Hence the title. I think I will make 2 CONTESTS! 1) Whoever can guess where "Bazinga" comes from gets... something. I'll think of it later. And 2) Whoever can guess where the second Lion/Heather scene is based off of (Hint: Did you ever love me, just tell me the truth, I don't know) gets... something else. I'll think of that later, too. It must be better than extra virtual cookies! Any ideas?**

**You can tell that the Senate part was written a while ago, can't you?**

**I don't believe I have anything else to say, so... REVIEW! (But I don't have to stress over it; you guys are awesome about reviewing!)**


	12. Cracks in the Fourth Wall

**Hello, all! I'm (finally) back! So, before I go any farther, I must take it upon myself to apologize for this long, seven-month wait. I've had band camp and marching band, so that kept me busy in the fall. However, I just got lazy and didn't have much inspiration for this story. And for that I apologize. I hope you all didn't completely forget about _Lake Wars_, and you have continued reading and reviewing it. On that note, I would like to thank Sheila V, mylia11, crazy4asajj, ResistanceIsNotFutile, Get Up On The Hydra's Back, and Hawkwing360 for your reviews of the last chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, Star Wars, Nintendo Wii, Apples to Apples, the Muffin Man, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Go Fish, Galaga, or Pac-Man. **

* * *

(StarClan)

Bluestar had a bone to pick with Yellowfang.

"Yellowfang! Why don't I have any coffee in the mini-fridge?"

Well, _two _bones to pick. Yellowfang sighed.

"I thought we all decided that you could no longer have coffee after what happened last time."

Bluestar blinked.

"So?"

"_BLUESTAR, GET TO YOUR _REAL_ POINT!"_ Tallstar boomed from by the babbling stream in the sky.

Bluestar blinked again.

"Well, then! So also, I had slaved for days, and days, and days, and days, and days, and days, and _(four hours later)_ days, and days, and days, and days, and d—well, a really long time! On my Opposable Thumb Potion, and for what? The Clans aren't using it!"

"Brackenfur uses it all the time when he plays Wii, as does Cinderheart when she finds time to play. And Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, Whitewing, and Birchfall needed it during the Apples to Apples competition. The Clans use your potion," Yellowfang countered.

"Yes, _six_ cats, and none else!"

"What am _I_ supposed to do about it?"

"You're the _Star Wars_ coordinator! Jedi have lightsabers! And do the Jedi have any? NO!"

"I'd give them to them, but they don't have opposable thumbs."

Bluestar blinked intentionally for the third time in five minutes. An awkward silence hung in the air.

"Wait…" Yellowfang approached an epiphany. "I got it! They can use your potion! Bluestar, I'm a genius. Come on, say it."

"You're a genius."

"Aw, thanks."

Yellowfang bounded off to hatch her… epiphany.

* * *

_(The Lake)_

Mace Brambleclaw stood on the Highledge, overlooking the many cats in front of him.

"Jedi!" he announced loudly. "Tomorrow it will be time to go to the next Gathering! So, Yoda has made his choice on who will go! He wants all able Padawans and Knights to attend. If you are not among those, then too bad."

A few offended meows rose over the crowd, but there were so few not going that the rest didn't care.

"By the way, Brackenfur," Brambleclaw added, "if you don't go because you're too busy playing Wii, Yoda is going to take it away. You too, Cinderheart."

"NOOOOOOO!" wailed the father and daughter who were constantly arguing over who got to play their beloved game console.

* * *

_(The Middle of Nowhere)_

"Should we go to the Gathering tomorrow?" Lionblaze asked Heathertail as they were watching grass die in the field. That's how bored they were.

Heathertail shrugged.

"I dunno. It would give us something to do."

"Sure, why not? LET'S GO TO THE GATHERING!" Lionblaze roared, tilting his head back to the clouds.

Heathertail rolled her eyes.

_What an idiot._

* * *

A slim, snowy-furred, female fennec strode up to Berrynose.

"Master Jedi!" she rasped. How Berrynose could understand her, seeing how she was a fox and he was a cat, remains a mystery even to the most ancient of StarClan cats…

"Um… hi?" Berrynose managed to choke out. His confusion was most overwhelming.

"You're finally here!" said the fennec. "Come on; before the prime minister gets impatient!"

Berrynose, not thinking, followed her. He didn't want to be rude.

_Prime minister?_ He thought to himself confusedly. He furrowed his brow.

The fennec led Berrynose to another one of her kind. Their fur color was the same, but the second fennec was of a larger build, and a male.

"May I present our prime minister, Lama Su?" the female began.

Berrynose stifled back a laugh, wondering as to why a _male fennec_ had the name _llama_ _sue_. To be polite, he bowed his head curtly.

"Salutations, Llama Sue. I am Master Berrynose Kenobi of ThunderClan."

Lama Su returned the nod.

"Nice to meet you, Master Kenobi. I hoped you are pleased with your army."

Wham. It felt like a huge dog was ramming into Berrynose's face.

"Army?"

Lama Su nodded.

"Yes. The army for the Forest Republic. We've got 200,000 units ready with a million more well on the way."

"Um, well, that's good news?"

Lama Su nodded again.

"Yes. Considering the normal time frame for building, that's _very _good news. Would you like to tour the premises and inspect our progress?"

"Of course," Berrynose accepted.

Lama Su and the first fennec got on their paws and led Berrynose behind a shrub. Behind the shrub was a massive clearing, where an assembly line had been set up.

"Well, this isn't weird at all," Berrynose muttered. Then he froze.

The assembly line was building robotic ninja squirrels.

* * *

For Lionblaze, the night would have been rather peaceful… except for the constant nightmares about Squirrelflight. Creepy as they were, they worried him. The dreams, though fuzzy and seeming like they were hallucinations induced by psychedelics, were of Lionblaze's mother crying out in pain. Every time one occurred, Lionblaze would wake up frightened, in a cold sweat… at least if cats could sweat. As for Heathertail, the night also would have been rather peaceful… except for Lionblaze's constant yowling in his dreams. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She stalked up to him, fur fluffed out, and prodded him aggressively with her paws.

"Lionblaze! This is the _sixteenth_ time tonight that you've woke me up due to your sleep-wailing!"

Lionblaze groaned unintelligibly as he started to wake up. As Heathertail prodded him again, he leapt to his paws.

"Wha-? WHO DIED? THERE'S NO NEED TO FEAR, _LIONBLAZE _IS HERE!"

His breathing turned ragged and he started panting. Heathertail was not amused.

"Did you hear _anything_ I said?" she demanded irritably.

"No. No I did not."

Heathertail angrily hissed, and then she shook her head.

"Never mind. It's time to get up anyway," she muttered.

"Heathertail, we need to save Squirrelflight."

The brown tabby she-cat stared at her guardian incredulously as if he had found Onestar's stash of special mushrooms and eaten the whole thing.

"Where did you get _that_ crapsack idea?"

Lionblaze twitched his tail nervously as he began to settle down.

"Well… the thing is… I've been having nightmares all night about her. She's my mom, you know, and I have been typified as a character who loves his mother a little too much, so I have been creepily having dreams about her well-being… or lack thereof."

For once, Heathertail actually could understand his pain; she couldn't empathize, but she still could imagine what it would be like.

"Oh… I understand. Let's go, then. If she really does need help, then who am I not to let you give it to her?"

Lionblaze's tail shot up straight in the air ecstatically.

"Really? That's fantastic! Let's go!"

Lionblaze followed his gut as he and Heathertail went to find Squirrelflight. Besides his random explanations for where he was turning next, the trip was completely silent. Heathertail wanted to give him some space, and Lionblaze was too busy concentrating. All his concentration, though, paid off, and Lionblaze led them to the center of the ThunderClan camp, where Squirrelflight lay dozing on a rock.

"MOMMY!" squealed Lionblaze, running over to the she-cat.

Squirrelflight woke up and flattened her ears, irritated.

"What? Lionblaze? I was in the middle of my nap! And aren't you supposed to be in hiding with Heathertail?"

"Well, yeah! But we came to rescue you!"

"Rescue me? I'm just fine!"

The serious look on Lionblaze's face slid off immediately.

"What?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm not sick, and I'm not injured; I'm just tired."

"But I had a dream that you were in trouble!"

"The key word in that sentence was _dream_."

"But I've had dreams that became true before! Why not this one?"

Squirrelflight shrugged.

"I dunno, plot device?"

Lionblaze looked stunned.

"A plot device? For what?"

"For this," said a deep voice coming from the top of the cliff.

It was Darth Kitty, coming to annoy everybody all over again.

* * *

Millie was beyond jubilant to see the Muffin Man by the side of the lake, waiting for her, and welcoming her as if she were a long-lost old friend.

"I see that you are happy to see me, Millie," said the Muffin Man.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! I am! I love you! Can I have a muffin? Please? Please? PLEASE?"

The Muffin Man laughed a little bit.

"Patience, my four-legged friend, patience. I shall give you your muffins for you and your friends in time, but-"

"But what?" Millie asked, her lower lip quivering disappointedly.

"But first, you must answer me these questions three."

Millie blinked.

"Um. Okay."

"What… is your name?"

"Millie!"

"What… is your quest?"

"To receive muffins from the Muffin Man!"

"What… is your favorite color?"

Millie thought about it. She never actually cared about picking a favorite color. Being a cat, she wasn't color blind, but she couldn't see as many colors as maybe a Twoleg could. She randomly picked the first one that caught her eye. It wasn't that bad a color; in fact, it was rather pretty.

"Yellow."

"Okay. Go on. Here are your muffins. Off you go," said the muffin man proudly, giving Millie a large bag full of a variety of muffins.

"Thank you! Thank you very much!" Millie exclaimed, her claws kneading the ground excitedly.

The Muffin Man gave her a mysterious smile and disappeared in a puff of green smoke. Not upset this time about the Muffin Man's leaving, Millie happily brought back her winnings to her Clanmates. And there was much rejoicing.

* * *

Back in ShadowClan, the villains were, needless to say, very bored.

"Blackstar, can we _please_ do something?" Toadfoot pleaded.

Ever since the loss of Darth Ratscar, Toadfoot had taken up the role of the annoying stupid one. He had not been pleased with getting it, seeing as he had been forced to take it by Blackstar. Blackstar sniffed.

"I _gave_ you a pack of Go Fish cards."

"But Count Rowanclaw won't play with me! And I also don't have opposable thumbs!"

"Opposable thumbs? Bah, who needs them? And besides, Blackclaw has joined us temporarily, as he is a wanted cat."

"Why can't we just borrow some of ThunderClan's opposable thumb potion?" whined Toadfoot.

Blackstar whirled around, his eyes narrowing and his hackles raising.

"No! NEVER!" he screeched.

Toadfoot blinked.

"Are you sure, 'cause they're real softies over there. They'd give away _anything_ if we told them we needed it."

"I said NO! We must not let them know of our weakness!"

"Our weakness? The fact that we don't have opposable thumbs? What are they going to do with it? Try to defeat us by thumb-wrestling?"

Blackstar got even more ticked off.

"NEVER QUESTION ME EVER AGAIN!" he roared.

"Gee, okay! Pushy…" Toadfoot muttered. "But seriously, Blackstar," he continued, a little louder, "there's nothing to do here. Can't we, like, go out and play some antique video games at the arcade down the street?"

How Toadfoot knew what a street was, and how he knew what an arcade was, we'll probably never know.

"No," insisted Blackstar.

"Aw, come on! They're offering fifty percent off admission price today! Plus they've got a special! Play five games of Galaga, get a free soda!"

"NO!"

Blackstar began to raise his voice again.

"Actually, I could… I could go for some Galaga. Or Pac-Man," cut in Blackclaw.

Blackstar sighed in defeat. He could say no to his evil minion, but he couldn't say no to his guest, even though said guest was probably indirectly his evil minion. But he was still a guest.

"Fine, let's go to the arcade."

"YAY!" said Blackclaw and Toadfoot, running off excitedly.

Blackstar groaned and shook his head as he followed them. What had he just gotten himself into?

* * *

Even for Berrynose, the whole robot ninja squirrel thing was a little far-fetched. He still couldn't believe it. But here he was, talking to a fennec and telling her how awesome the army was.

"Yeah, it's great! They're totally going to help us!"

The first fennec Berrynose had ever met beamed. Her name was Taun We, but Berrynose kept forgetting that. In his mind, he just called her "Weird Fennec Lady."

"I'm so glad you like them!" said Weird Fennec Lady. "They're some of our best work!"

"I can tell."

Berrynose frowned and thrashed his tail. This was a waste of his time! Why was he being so nice? It's not like Weird Fennec Lady was all that pretty, plus she was a _fennec_, plus Berrynose had Honeyfern waiting for him back home!

"We actually modeled them after a real squirrel!" continued Weird Fennec Lady, gushing obliviously.

Berrynose licked his lips. He liked squirrels. He liked _eating_ squirrels.

"Oh?"

"Yes! His name is Chuck! And I bet _you'd_ love to meet him!"

Berrynose's stomach rumbled.

"Sure… I'd love to… _meet_… Chuck."

More like _eat_ Chuck.

Weird Fennec Lady continued to beam, and she led Berrynose to a hollow at the base of a very large tree. And there, inside the hollow, was Chuck the squirrel.

* * *

**Well, there you have it. Hehe. Chuck. That's a good name for a squirrel. Chuck. Hopefully you haven't forgotten the drill, so please review!**

**~Katie~**


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